0
Fair Lady Posted 21 years ago

Dreaming you away

0 Back to the nature, 02br
00Away from the century, 02br
00Into the wildest 02br
00Of dreams we will go – 02br
00In freedom and space we’ll flow, 02br
00Weightless and shameless, 02br
00As if there’re no ties 02br
00Anchoring us in our lives, 02br
00In this crazy world. 02br
02br
02br
00P.S. Another try05000 Any criticism and comments are welcomed.010id1
  

Top answer

0The idiom is 'back to Nature'. 02br 02br 00'There're' is both awkward to read and awkward to say-- always read your poems aloud to yourself several times, with emotive force (and preferable into a tape recorder), before you settle on a version. 02br 02br 00'Anchor to' I think is a better collocation.

— Mister Micawber

  • 0The idiom is 'back to Nature'.
  • 02br 02br 00'There're' is both awkward to read and awkward to say-- always read your poems aloud to yourself several times, with emotive force (and preferable into a tape recorder), before you settle on a version.
  • 02br 02br 00'Anchor to' I think is a better collocation.
  • 02br 02br 00Other than that-- pretty good!
  • Brief and to the point: I like that in a poem.
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

7 Answers
0
0The idiom is 'back to Nature'. 02br
02br
00'There're' is both awkward to read and awkward to say-- always read your poems aloud to yourself several times, with emotive force (and preferable into a tape recorder), before you settle on a version. 02br
02br
00'Anchor to' I think is a better collocation. 02br
02br
00Other than that-- prett
0
0
0Is it ok to say "back to the nature" if we leave alone the idiomatic meaning? I didn't actually mean to employ this idiom in the poem05000 What I meant was returning back to natural reactions and behaviour. Perhaps I've used "the nature" in a wrong way?02br
02br
00Thanks for your other suggestions, Mister Micawber, I'll consider them. 010id1
0
0
0 I really like this poem. 0-
0
0
0The trouble is that all the readers automatically think 'back to Nature', and are distracted from the flow of your poem by wondering about the odd formation which is so near to the expected. Beyond that, 'the nature' is not a natural collocation; it does not take an article unless we are speaking of a particular nature, e.g. 'the nature of house construction', which is not at all what you want
0
0
0 Thanks, friends. 02br
00Yes, I see now that *** nature is somehow confusing, on the other hand I don't want cliches in the poem and at the same time I can't think of any better imagery to express the idea 05002br
02br
00On the second thought may be a cliche will look better in a new poetic environment? 02br
00What if I use something like "Travel
0
0
0I think it would be more productive for you in the long run, Fair Lady, if you spread your mind to wider skies: 02br
02br
00'Turning to old ways', 'Back and barefoot', 'Open-faced', 'Near the campfire', 'In the lap of ancestors'-- I don't suggest that these will work for your poem, or even that they represent the point that you want to make, but you should make an effort to
0
0
0 Oh I'm not sure that it's useless to play with the word "nature", why not? 02br
00It is general, yes, so it leaves room for imagination of the reader05000 The problem is to find appropriate surrounding for the word. For the time being I've decided to put it in this way (using the idea of being open-faced):02br
02br
00Open to Nature, 02br
00Aw
0

Related Questions