Does this text sound natural? Indie game developer needs advice.

Text was written for PC game about sci-fi technology and politics. My translator is double native speaker: English and Polish. However I don't know if she can translate, without unnatural sounding sentences. I heard double natives sometimes have problem with it. The text was originally written in Polish then translated.
Marked words must be exact the same each time because of gameplay purposes, so try to ignore if they are repeating. I mean those (2)Victims(2) etc.

TRANSLATED TEXT

During the evening demonstration, the (0)Agitator(0) took advantage of the low morale among his (1)Allies(1). A clip in which he called for open hatred towards the (2)Victims(2) of the incident leaked to the media. The demonstration moved on to the (2)Victims'(2) neighborhood and started a riot. Although the attack was not pre-planned, it escalated quickly: the (1)Allies(1) dragged the (2)Victims(2) out of their houses and targeted passers-by and restaurants. There were several murders. After confirming the information...

a) ...the police began a brutal, blind intervention.
b) ...the government ordered to the police to pacify anyone who broke the law.
c) ... security forces cordoned off the (1)Allies(1) from the (2)Victims(2).
d) ...the government ordered the police to stay in the vicinity and intervene only when the (2)Victims(2) were almost dead.
e) ...the government allowed the riots to continue, but controlled the balance of forces for several hours, until the riots burned out naturally.

It became clear that the society of the Unanimous Autarchy is completely different to the one which inhabited the K-135 asteroid a decade earlier. Brain implants, which allowed constant contact with other posthumans on thought level, became compulsory. On one hand, this caused an immense increase in the system's efficiency. On the other hand, it meant that each citizen was under total surveillance.

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