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Vijay Marathe Posted 17 years ago
Grammar

Does this sentence make sense?

Hi friends,

Please help me with this sentence (grammar and the appropriate usage of the words):

It can be quite a demanding task to find a reliable supplier in a country which has a vastly diverse culture, and that is where we can add immense value to your enterprise.

Does the whole sentence sound like malapropism?

Thanks,

Vijay
  

Top answer

It's okay, but I think you're missing your target. Some of these words are too high register for a practical person looking for a supplier. He's likely be more attracted to a sentence of half the length, using simpler words.

— Avangi

  • It's okay, but I think you're missing your target.
  • Some of these words are too high register for a practical person looking for a supplier.
  • He's likely be more attracted to a sentence of half the length, using simpler words.
  • A sentence like this would probably appeal to some simple sucker.
  • Malapropism is using the wrong words.
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5 Answers
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It's okay, but I think you're missing your target. Some of these words are too high register for a practical person looking for a supplier. He's likely be more attracted to a sentence of half the length, using simpler words.

A sentence like this would probably appeal to some simple sucker.

Malapropism is using the wrong words. These are the right words - just
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Thanks Avangi,

But I am focusing this on potential customers in the UK and not in any other country.

Any other thoughts, please?

Vijay
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So you're referring to the vastly diverse culture of the UK?

I'd think you should come straight to the point. What are you trying to supply? How does this vastly diverse culture effect your product and your customers? How are you better able to cope with it than your competitors?

"We can save you time by etc." "We have a greater variety of etc. immediately available etc
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I am writing a business article on an Asian country but the focus group of customers are in the UK.

Thanks, I will try to simplify this.

Vijay
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Okay, I get it. Sorry I misunderstood. It sounded like you were trying to write an advertisement.
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