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Anonymous Posted 7 years ago
Grammar

Does this read naturally?

Hi teachers, does this read naturally?


Josie took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink.

Several drinks later, Josie sat staring into space. She looked down at her drink. Grabbed it and stared blankly at it for a long moment. Then drained it.

  

Top answer

anonymous does this read naturally? Not really. Not to me.

— CalifJim

  • anonymous does this read naturally?
  • Not really.
  • Not to me.
  • It seems to jerk along where it should flow.
  • " to the previous sentence would go a long way toward fixing this.
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1 Answers
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anonymousdoes this read naturally?

Not really. Not to me. It seems to jerk along where it should flow. I'd say that just connecting "Grabbed ..." to the previous sentence would go a long way toward fixing this. I also wonder if "picked it up" might be more descriptive of what really happened than "grabbed".

Josie took a seat at the bar and orde

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