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Anonymous Posted 9 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Does this introduction paragraph make sence?

There are two main perspectives on foreign aid in Australia – are we giving too much or not enough? Foreign aid is given to developing countries, and is necessary to build an environment where policies and infrastructure can be in place to support other sources of finance. Australia is part of the worldwide foreign aid commitment as we value that everyone should have a fair go, and the country plans to give $3.9 billion over 2017 and 2018. We help countries in need by contributing, food, resources, providing financial assistance, exchanging goods, personal time and knowledge. The main types of aid are humanitarian aid, which is disaster relief and emergency aid and development aid, which is a long-term commitment between nations. Australian aid is strongly on development aid particularly focused on the Asia-Pacific region but it also has a strong commitment to African and South Asia. Interestingly, 90% of Australia’s foreign aid goes to Asia-Pacific countries such as Indonesia and Papua New Guinea, mainly because they are our closest neighbours and we will benefit from them becoming a wealthier nation as we can trade and partner in defence. This is a polarising issue that divides the nation due to different views on Australia giving aid, however, a strong foreign aid is vital for Australia to build relations and regional security.

  

Top answer

When I read this introduction, I don't see clearly what the topic of your essay is. I'm sure your teacher did not just say 'Write as much as you can about foreign aid'. In addition, I can't find your thesis statement.

  • When I read this introduction, I don't see clearly what the topic of your essay is.
  • I'm sure your teacher did not just say 'Write as much as you can about foreign aid'.
  • In addition, I can't find your thesis statement.
  • A thesis statement is basically an interesting view of the topic that the body of your essay will try to support as true.
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1 Answers
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When I read this introduction, I don't see clearly what the topic of your essay is. I'm sure your teacher did not just say 'Write as much as you can about foreign aid'.

In addition, I can't find your thesis statement. A thesis statement is basically an interesting view of the topic that the body of your essay will try to support as true.

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