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Spooner Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Does the underlined sentence scan well with native speakers?
It’s a well-known fact that smoking is a major cause of lung cancer and other lung related diseases.
But what many back patients don’t seem to realize is that smoking is also bad for their back.
It might sound like a cliche, reflecting the conventional wisdom that "Smoking is bad for everything",
but a numerous studies have actually proven that smoking increases the risk of disc hernia by 2 to 4 times.
Hi,
I wrote these sentences and I have been wondering how the underlined sentence falls on native speaker's ears.
Does it look too labored or wordy with unnecessarily complicated structure with big words?
Would there be more simpler and to-the-point way to phrase it?'
(Should I just lose everything after "cliche"?)
Thanks for your attention.
But what many back patients don’t seem to realize is that smoking is also bad for their back.
It might sound like a cliche, reflecting the conventional wisdom that "Smoking is bad for everything",
but a numerous studies have actually proven that smoking increases the risk of disc hernia by 2 to 4 times.
Hi,
I wrote these sentences and I have been wondering how the underlined sentence falls on native speaker's ears.
Does it look too labored or wordy with unnecessarily complicated structure with big words?
Would there be more simpler and to-the-point way to phrase it?'
(Should I just lose everything after "cliche"?)
Thanks for your attention.
Top answer
Yes, I'd get rid of some of the words: It’s well known that smoking is a major cause of lung cancer and other lung diseases , b ut what many patients don’t seem to realize is that it is also bad for the back. "Smoking is bad for everything" may sound cliché, but numerous studies have proven that it increases the risk of disc hernia 2 to 4 times.
- Yes, I'd get rid of some of the words: It’s well known that smoking is a major cause of lung cancer and other lung diseases , b ut what many patients don’t seem to realize is that it is also bad for the back.
- "Smoking is bad for everything" may sound cliché, but numerous studies have proven that it increases the risk of disc hernia 2 to 4 times.
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3 Answers
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Yes, I'd get rid of some of the words:
It’s well known that smoking is a major cause of lung cancer and other lung diseases, but what many patients don’t seem to realize is that it is also bad for the back. "Smoking is bad for everything" may sound cliché, but numerous studies have proven that it increases the risk of disc
It’s well known that smoking is a major cause of lung cancer and other lung diseases, but what many patients don’t seem to realize is that it is also bad for the back. "Smoking is bad for everything" may sound cliché, but numerous studies have proven that it increases the risk of disc
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It simply looks marvelous. Thanks.
Just one quick question about one of the amendments you have made.
I see you have dropped “back” from "many back patients". Is there a particular reason for that? The reason I put it there in the first place was because I wanted to narrow down the field of patients only to those who might be concerned about the fact that smoking is bad for the b
Just one quick question about one of the amendments you have made.
I see you have dropped “back” from "many back patients". Is there a particular reason for that? The reason I put it there in the first place was because I wanted to narrow down the field of patients only to those who might be concerned about the fact that smoking is bad for the b
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I dropped 'back' because it it mentioned twice, which is unnecessary. Give your readers credit for some common sense; you needn't 'narrow' your text for them.
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