Does the structure and grammar make sense?

Question

This is part of my covering letter for an accounting and finance based internship which i am finding difficult to put my strengths together. Please can my spelling and grammar be checked. Also in your opinion does it sound okay?

I expect to graduate in May 2017, attaining a 2:1 classification with a BA in Accounting and Finance. I’ve had a keen interest in accounting from a very young age. At 15, I carried out voluntary work experience at HSBC bank where my interests in financial accounting, reporting and corporate finance stemmed from. I have interests in keeping up to date with the latest accounting standards, business relations and economic changes through being a regular member of the accounting and finance society. One of my fond interests is reading reputable newspapers and magazines, with The Economist being one of my current favorites.

Furthermore, I find myself as business minded individual who has an enormous capacity for work. In my spare time, I established and self funded my own online ecommerce web store selling through established online marketplaces i.e. EBay, Amazon. Through this I learn how to budget, analyse and plan future revenues. I used the Internet to attract my target audience through social media and affiliate marketing.

Riverthames · Accepted Answer

I have totally changed this now. The current version is this - Please have a look at this instead.

I hope you are well, I am writing to express my interest for the summer internship position advertised on [site] on [date].

Having the opportunity to work for a high profile company such as [company name] in the [accounting/finance] industry combines, in a unique way, various qualities that I have always dreamt about representing: ethics, great reputation, strong tradition, professionalism and solid career prospects after graduation.

I expect to graduate in May 2017, attaining a 2:1 classification with a BA in Accounting and Finance. I have had a keen interest in [accounting/finance] from a very young age. At 14, I carried out voluntary work experience at by local HSBC branch where my interests in financial accounting, reporting and corporate finance stemmed from. Also, through being a regular member of the Accounting and Finance society, I have kept up to date with the latest accounting standards, business relations and economic changes. One of my fond interests consists reading reputable newspapers and magazines, with The Economist being my current favourite.

I believe my main strength is my enormous capacity for work and great work ethic to succeed. In my spare time, I established and self funded my own online ecommerce web store selling luxurious jewellery. Through this I learnt how to plan, budget and analyse revenue. I also learnt how to establish supplier connections internationally and how to attract and keep my customers through social media and affiliate marketing. As well as this, I have also had extensive vacation work experience in the retail sector and service industries, giving me varied skills and the ability to work with many different types of people. I believe I could fit easily into your team and be a valuable asset to you as I have excellent communication and teamwork skills from being involved in sports, particularly playing and gaining many accomplishments in football through my tender years right up in till university.

Furthermore, I truly believe having the right mindset is essential for success in the corporate world. To elaborate, I believe that skills can always be taught and improved, whereas our mindset is a product of our experiences in life and how we are brought up. With this in mind, I’d like you to consider one last thing. I may not necessary be the best candidate on paper, but I can assure you that, despite my modest academic achievement, I would most definitely excel due to my self motivation, flexibility, confidence, professional attitude and eagerness to learn and improve.
I trust I have demonstrated my suitability and commitment to securing [an interview/the next stage of the filtration process]. Please find enclosed my CV below. Thank you for taking time to read my application, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Or (If they do not have vacancy) - I have excellent references and would be delighted to discuss any possible vacancy with you at your convenience. In case you do not have any suitable openings at the moment, I would be grateful if you would keep my CV on file for any future possibilities. Thank you for taking time to read my application.

Blue Jay · Answer

Please don't post the same thing in different threads. It's liable to result in unnecessary duplication of effort for our volunteers.

Riverthames · Answer

I'm sorry. Any chance you can give me some feedback

Does the structure and grammar make sense?

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions