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NL888 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Does the sentence need editing? It sounds redundant to me

Is the editing acceptable? How to improve?

The sentence;

But the one thing which interested me most of all was that in a glass case there was the first draft of tone of the President’s speeches, a second draft, and on and on up to the sixth draft.

The attempt to edit it:

But one thing which interested me most of all was that in a glass case there was the first draft of tone of the President’s speeches, a second, and up to the sixth.
  

Top answer

But the one thing which interested me most was a glass case containing complete series of up to six drafts of the President's speeches.

  • But the one thing which interested me most was a glass case containing complete series of up to six drafts of the President's speeches.
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1 Answers
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But the one thing which interested me most was a glass case containing complete series of up to six drafts of the President's speeches.

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