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Vik0111 Posted 17 years ago
Grammar

Does the sentence makes sense


Does this sentence makes sense. Could you please assist me with the below mentioned sentence.

I am writing to apply for the position of associate procurement specialist about which I first heard from your company representative whom I met at Brunel University’s career fair in November.

  

Top answer

I'd suggest making it into two or three sentences. It's a bit breathless.

— Avangi

  • I'd suggest making it into two or three sentences.
  • It's a bit breathless.
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7 Answers
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I'd suggest making it into two or three sentences. It's a bit breathless.
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Can you give me any example of it please. How can I make it better.

Regards
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I am writing to apply for the position of associate procurement specialist. I learned of this position from your company representative who I met at Brunel University's career fair in November.
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I'd say "whom I met," but that may be archaic.
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That is a run-on sentence.
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AvangiI'd say "whom I met," but that may be archaic.


I second that.
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LanguageGuy44I am writing to apply for the position of associate procurement specialist. I learned of this position from your company representative who I met at Brunel University's career fair in November.
I'm not sure how to cure the run-on property, if such there be. I find it more natural to swap the time and the place:

I am writing to apply f
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