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Andr359 Posted 19 years ago
Letter Writing

Does it sound "passive"?? - URGENT

I am about to submit my statement of purpose, but have a few final doubts on the content.

Does the "help" sound passive?:

"I strongly believe that the impressive academics and distinguished faculty of the will help me develop the background in XXXX necessary to succeed in my goal."

Thanks.
  

Top answer

Hi, I am about to submit my statement of purpose, but have a few final doubts on the content. It also sounds like you are trying to flatter these people. How about starting with something like I intend to succeed in my goal of .

  • Hi, I am about to submit my statement of purpose, but have a few final doubts on the content.
  • It also sounds like you are trying to flatter these people.
  • How about starting with something like I intend to succeed in my goal of .
  • .
  • by .
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5 Answers
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Hi,

I am about to submit my statement of purpose, but have a few final doubts on the content.

Does the "help" sound passive?:

"I strongly believe that the impressive academics and distinguished faculty of the College of Business Administration will help me develop the background in *** necessary to succeed in my goal."


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Thank you, Clive. About sounding as if I tried to flatter them, I guess we all want to apply only to those schools in which we find "impressive academics and distinguished faculty". I figured out that if I didn´t explicitly used such words, some other applicant would and she´d sound more interested in being admitted. Do you think of some other possible way to approach this?
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Hi,

Just what I suggested. Focus on your purpose/goal..

Be careful. Flattery does not fool smart people.Emotion: wink
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I guess there´s a very thin line between flattery and praise. The point is not filling up an essay with adulation, of course, but expressing sincere appreciation well supported by other parts of the statement with a couple of words.
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Hi,

It has to be your choice, of course.

Clive

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