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Mcgagliardi Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Does it sound English?

Please, tell me what you think about this paragraph. Thank you.

In short, first and foremost we must make our meetings / lessons captivating and memorable : we are teachers, but people, first. The same applies to our students. Sometimes, the vortex we live in makes us forget this little but great detail.



Carmen

  

Top answer

The beginning is a little ludicrous because it starts with 'in short' and then proceeds to pontificate. In short, we must make our lessons captivating and memorable: both teachers and students are people, but in the press of education, sometimes we forget this.

— Mister Micawber

  • The beginning is a little ludicrous because it starts with 'in short' and then proceeds to pontificate.
  • In short, we must make our lessons captivating and memorable: both teachers and students are people, but in the press of education, sometimes we forget this.
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5 Answers
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The beginning is a little ludicrous because it starts with 'in short' and then proceeds to pontificate.

In short, we must make our lessons captivating and memorable: both teachers and students are people, but in the press of education, sometimes we forget this.
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Dear Mr. Micawber,

thank you for your comments. I'd like you to explain to me what "in the press of eduaction" means.

Thank you.

Carmen
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It is my interpretation of the 'vortex we live in'.
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Sorry, I mean in the bustle we live in. Can't "vortex" be used as a synonym?

Thanks.

Carmen
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No, it's too oratorical. Most of those who have even heard the word envision simply a revolving cone-- in short, just use 'bustle of daily life'.
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