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Spooner Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Does it sound awkward?

Could anyone check to see if the sentence below, which I wrote, seems in any way awkward in the eyes of a native?

"If an organization has only standards like visions and goals but no rules, it will scatter like goods that are unpackaged or not strapped, while having only rules without standards can cause it to lose direction and wander. "

Any suggestions to make it sound better would be much appreciated. ThanksEmotion: smile
  

Top answer

Dear Spooner, First off, I'd find a better way to express the concept that any organization needs BOTH rules and standards to function properly. Secondly, I would find a better metaphor to illustrate the way things can fall apart, disintegrate or scatter if one of these elements is lacking. Hope this helps, John

  • Dear Spooner, First off, I'd find a better way to express the concept that any organization needs BOTH rules and standards to function properly.
  • Secondly, I would find a better metaphor to illustrate the way things can fall apart, disintegrate or scatter if one of these elements is lacking.
  • Hope this helps, John
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1 Answers
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Dear Spooner,

First off, I'd find a better way to express the concept that any organization needs BOTH rules and standards to function properly.

Secondly, I would find a better metaphor to illustrate the way things can fall apart, disintegrate or scatter if one of these elements is lacking.

Hope this helps,

John

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