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Ery Posted 10 years ago
Do you think this poem of mine makes sense?
I've written this poem myself. Do you think it makes sense? What can you say about it? Please let me know. Thank you.
Why have you left me? You’ve caused me heartache.
Together we used to watch the sunrise.
Don’t you know how much I hate this heartbreak?
Since I loved you, I’ve been in paradise.
Tell me: what’s left now in my dying soul?
Our stubborn pride has built a wall so great
That it won’t be easy to reach our goal:
To realize that love is worth the wait.
Though lost in the dark, I never lose hope.
I accept the fact that scars never fade.
With my tough situation I can cope.
To face another day I’m not afraid.
Maybe you’re not the one to call my own.
How I need to forget the love you’ve shown!
Why have you left me? You’ve caused me heartache.
Together we used to watch the sunrise.
Don’t you know how much I hate this heartbreak?
Since I loved you, I’ve been in paradise.
Tell me: what’s left now in my dying soul?
Our stubborn pride has built a wall so great
That it won’t be easy to reach our goal:
To realize that love is worth the wait.
Though lost in the dark, I never lose hope.
I accept the fact that scars never fade.
With my tough situation I can cope.
To face another day I’m not afraid.
Maybe you’re not the one to call my own.
How I need to forget the love you’ve shown!
Top answer
Hello, Ery—and welcome to English Forums. Thank you for registering as a member. I presume that you are writing a sonnet.
- Hello, Ery—and welcome to English Forums.
- Thank you for registering as a member.
- I presume that you are writing a sonnet.
- You've done a pretty good job, though the meter is sometimes off—it was not until the third line that I realized what form you were using.
- As for poetic value, sometimes you lapse into sentimentality, but most of it is refreshingly straightforward, clear and simple language.
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1 Answers
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Hello, Ery—and welcome to English Forums. Thank you for registering as a member.
I presume that you are writing a sonnet. You've done a pretty good job, though the meter is sometimes off—it was not until the third line that I realized what form you were using. As for poetic value, sometimes you lapse into sentimentality, but most of it is refreshingly straightforward, clear and simple l
I presume that you are writing a sonnet. You've done a pretty good job, though the meter is sometimes off—it was not until the third line that I realized what form you were using. As for poetic value, sometimes you lapse into sentimentality, but most of it is refreshingly straightforward, clear and simple l
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