Do these sentences make sense?
Hi I’m trying to write a poem and English is not my first language so I’d like to know if what I wrote makes sense:
“The skin of your neck is white marble
It’s the half moon I lay on
From which I like to look at the earth
And every problem looks so small”
The meaning I’m trying to convey is: the neck of the person is a half moon. If I lay on a half moon I basically can see Earth from up there and earthly problems look smaller because I’m far away. My question is: is this a weird thing to say? Is anything grammatically incorrect or just weirdly put?
Top answer
When you write poetry, you are on your own. No one has the right to criticize your diction or imagery or message or punctuation or anything else. I would only see whether you made any mistakes characteristic of a non-native speaker, and this time there is one.
- When you write poetry, you are on your own.
- No one has the right to criticize your diction or imagery or message or punctuation or anything else.
- I would only see whether you made any mistakes characteristic of a non-native speaker, and this time there is one.
- "Lay" is the past tense for "lie", which is what you meant: "It's the half moon I lie on".
- Actually, a lot of native speakers would do that, too.
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When you write poetry, you are on your own. No one has the right to criticize your diction or imagery or message or punctuation or anything else. I would only see whether you made any mistakes characteristic of a non-native speaker, and this time there is one. "Lay" is the past tense for "lie", which is what you meant: "It's the half moon I lie on". Actually, a lot of native speakers would do
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