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Hjoi Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Do these five sentences make sense?
My last question on this matter. I am writing a formal account of events and there are a couple of sentences I am unsure of in this account which require your attention.
The fist sentence:
In September 2013, I joined Rosewood academy having come from a fairly isolated life where opportunities of social interaction seldom made for any noticeable improvements in my confidence because of
my shyness around others despite my efforts to ‘fit in’ through means of altruism to wherever, or indeed whomever, needed ‘fitting in’ to.
The second sentence (follows from the first sentence):
I was perturbed by this but also by the upheaval of relocating from a fairly rural environment in which taking frequent walks evaporated the depression from my mind, to one of stupendous complexity where the ability to communicate efficiently certainly determines success in both social and academic spheres alike.
The third sentence (does not follow from the second sentence):
While at home, however, I felt displaced from Rosewood academy and my main priority was returning to it so that I would have access to resources allowing my completion of the following assignment and thereby my adherence to its forthcoming submission date
The forth sentence (does not follow from the third sentence):
Regrettably, this was not possible given that my lifestyle was fettered to a point of inertia and so tasks that those around me take for granted, like befriend others, or going outside, were exceedingly difficult for me to do, for a significant social differential was my illness, for it is the dimension in which my emotions and feelings emanated from.
The fifth sentence (does not follow from the forth sentence):
From this indefinite cycle comes the emotional aggregate in which feelings of severe lethargy skewed my perception of time such that one day in which I was depressed, became two, three, then four and so I was unable to attune myself to the dynamism of student life, nor uphold the zeitgeist trend held by those around
me.
Thanks!
The fist sentence:
In September 2013, I joined Rosewood academy having come from a fairly isolated life where opportunities of social interaction seldom made for any noticeable improvements in my confidence because of
my shyness around others despite my efforts to ‘fit in’ through means of altruism to wherever, or indeed whomever, needed ‘fitting in’ to.
The second sentence (follows from the first sentence):
I was perturbed by this but also by the upheaval of relocating from a fairly rural environment in which taking frequent walks evaporated the depression from my mind, to one of stupendous complexity where the ability to communicate efficiently certainly determines success in both social and academic spheres alike.
The third sentence (does not follow from the second sentence):
While at home, however, I felt displaced from Rosewood academy and my main priority was returning to it so that I would have access to resources allowing my completion of the following assignment and thereby my adherence to its forthcoming submission date
The forth sentence (does not follow from the third sentence):
Regrettably, this was not possible given that my lifestyle was fettered to a point of inertia and so tasks that those around me take for granted, like befriend others, or going outside, were exceedingly difficult for me to do, for a significant social differential was my illness, for it is the dimension in which my emotions and feelings emanated from.
The fifth sentence (does not follow from the forth sentence):
From this indefinite cycle comes the emotional aggregate in which feelings of severe lethargy skewed my perception of time such that one day in which I was depressed, became two, three, then four and so I was unable to attune myself to the dynamism of student life, nor uphold the zeitgeist trend held by those around
me.
Thanks!
Top answer
I can't help but feel the need to toss in my 2 unwanted cents. I feel your formal style is drawing unwanted attention. To answer your question, no, I don't think the sentences are making good sense because of the way they were composed; but that's just my opinion.
- I can't help but feel the need to toss in my 2 unwanted cents.
- I feel your formal style is drawing unwanted attention.
- To answer your question, no, I don't think the sentences are making good sense because of the way they were composed; but that's just my opinion.
- My advice is, try to write with simpler language with less run-on sentences.
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1 Answers
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I can't help but feel the need to toss in my 2 unwanted cents. I feel your formal style is drawing unwanted attention. To answer your question, no, I don't think the sentences are making good sense because of the way they were composed; but that's just my opinion. My advice is, try to write with simpler language with less run-on sentences.
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