Discursive essay

Question

I have just finished yet another writing task in my preperation for the CAE exam - a discursive essay this time. I usually send them to the teacher at the university but since she's gone for her holiday and is unavailable, I am stuck. It's only approx.250 words (probably 2minutes reading for you) so even a small help would do. If I can either send it to you or post it here so you can correct, I will be extremely grateful.
Tomasz Klepinowski.
Best Regards

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Tomasz KlepinowskiIf I can either send it to you or post it here so you can correct it

You're welcome to do either.

Tomasz Klepinowski · Answer

Essay title: The growth of online shopping has greatly improved life for the consumer.

Click! Nowadays it is just that simple to acquire whatever one wants while still being at home. The notion of online shopping went viral with over 100 million people all around the world purchasing via the Internet every year. However, is it really the best solution there is?

On the one hand, online shopping conjures up a number of advantages. I shall present them in descending order of importance. First of all, it provides customers with extremely vast spectrum of products, to which access is available straightaway, from home. In comparison with traditional shopping, the latter is much more time-consuming. Another benefit is the convenience of the entire process. It requires only several clicks to search, order and pay. Finally, prices in many shopping malls might appear prohibitive, notably for the young.

On the other hand, inherently there is a jeopardy of being deceived by a dishonest seller or company. Such instance might be aggravated by ‘no reimbursements’ clause which is often appended. The best way to protect oneself is to buy only from trustworthy merchants with many recommendations. Another drawback to online shopping is the risk that the purchased item will differ from what we’ve expected as it is infeasible to try it out beforehand. In addition it deprives women of the pleasure from shopping itself.

To sum up, although online shopping is a convenient and cheap way of buying, it inevitably carries a risk of being misled. In balance, though, I believe pros outweigh cons, thus online shopping is a giant step in terms of commerce.
Author: Tomasz Klepinowski

Teechr · Answer

Click! Nowadays it is just that simple to acquire whatever one wants ~~while still being at~~ without leaving home. The ~~notion~~ phenomenon of online shopping ~~went viral with over 100~~ has millions of people all around the world purchasing via the Internet every year. However, is has it really benefited the consumer? ~~the best solution there is?~~

~~On the one hand, online shopping conjures up a number of advantages. I shall present them in descending order of importance.~~ Online shopping presents certain advantages. First of all, it provides customers with ~~extremely~~ an incredibly vast spectrum of products, to which access is available straightaway, from home. ~~In comparison with~~ Traditional shopping, on the other hand, ~~the latter~~ is much more time-consuming. Another benefit is the convenience of the entire process. It requires only ~~several~~ a few simple clicks to search, order and pay. Finally, prices are often lower online than in traditional physical stores. ~~in many shopping malls might appear prohibitive, notably for the young.~~

~~On the other hand, inherently~~ Nevertheless, with online shopping, there is ~~a jeopardy~~ a greater risk of being deceived by a dishonest seller or company, or being caught by a tiny "no-refund" clause! ~~Such instance might be aggravated by ‘no reimbursements’ clause which is often appended.~~ ~~The best way to protect oneself is to buy only from trustworthy merchants with many recommendations.~~ Another drawback to online shopping is the risk that the purchased item will differ from what the buyer expects. ~~we’ve expected as it is unfeasible to try it out beforehand.~~ In addition, many see online shopping as more mechanical and less pleasurable or sociable than traditional shopping. ~~it deprives women of the pleasure from shopping itself.~~

To sum up, although online shopping is a convenient and cheap way of buying, it inevitably ~~carries a~~ involves some risk. ~~of being misled.~~ On balance, though, I believe the pros outweigh cons; thus online shopping is of great benefit to consumers. ~~a giant step in terms of commerce.~~

Note:
You should take a clear position and indicate that in your introduction. In your case, you questioned the benefit of online shopping in your introduction, but you changed position in the very last sentence of your conclusion!
Your position must be consistent throughout. You need to use your body paragraphs to support your position. For example, if you agree with the essay title, then you need to refute the disadvantages you presented in the second body paragraph.

Beware also not to introduce new ideas or go off-topic. For example, you talked about online shopping being a "giant step in terms of commerce", which is outside the scope of this essay.

Tomasz Klepinowski · Answer

Thank you. I'm about to spend the rest of this night analysing your instructions and corrections. I believe my next writing task will be much more coherent and intelligible. <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

Discursive essay

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