Different way of saying "why are you asking?" to not sound rude...

Question

What is a different way of saying, "why are you asking?" to not sound rude???

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,

What is a different way of saying, "why are you asking?" to not sound rude???

Much depends on what is being asked. Can you show us a couple of examples of questions, please?

Clive

Sam1947 · Answer

I agree with Clive that it depends on what the question is and the context in which it is being asked. I'm going to guess that you are asking about how to respond to someone who asks an intrusive question in a context that doesn't justify it, such as a friend or distant relative inquiring, "Why do you and your wife only have one child?" This is something no one should ask, because they have no idea what your circumstances are, and, how many children one has is a very personal decision. The person asking has no idea if you have some sort of health problem that prevents it, or financial difficulties, or whether you have tried for a second child but it just hasn't happened, or if you've chosen not to have another, and they are not entitled to that information if you don't want to volunteer it.

In these situations, it is probably best not to say, "Why are you asking," because it will, inevitably, sound rude. And, although the questioner is being rude, it is clear from your question that you do not wish to be rude in response.

I would just turn the question around on them, saying, "Hmmm...that's an interesting question. Why did you have five children?" (or, no children, or whatever their situation is.) Usually, that will subtly tell them that they've asked an intrusive question and they usually won't pursue the answer they originally sought.

Or, you can always say, "Hmmm...now that's a good question. I wish I had a good answer." Even if you do have a good answer, but don't want to share it, that usually, again, subtly tells them they've crossed a boundary and become intrusive and they usually won't pursue it. But, in either case, you haven't been rude.

If they continue to be rude and intrusive by pursuing an answer after you've tried these tactics, you can always say, in a very polite tone, "That is a personal decision that I prefer not to discuss." You have to hit some people over the head with a hammer to have them understand they are being intrusive, but, with this response, it is somewhat of a velvet hammer.

A friend of mine only has one child. I've heard this friend respond to that question by saying, "We went for quality, not for quantity." I think that is another good answer, but also not something that someone who shouldn't be asking the question in the first place is necessarily entitled to if you don't feel comfortable with it.

Different way of saying "why are you asking?" to not sound rude...

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