Dialog formatting question

Question

I have a couple of scenes with dialog where the main character is speaking to another character, and her little daughter JENNY (8) is off to the side speaking to her stuffed pet. At first I just put in (ad lib) for Jenny talking to her pet; then I read somewhere NOT to do that, NOT to use ad lib, but to give actors actual dialog even if it is subordinate, lower volume, off to the side of the action dialog. So I used the power of Movie Magic screenwriting software and have the line of dialog from Jenny happening simultaneous with the main dialog between her mom SARAH and the DOCTOR.
Okay I am unsure now what is correct style in today's market. At a screenwriters group meeting last night one of the members said that it is incorrect to have simultaneous dialog, like that or otherwise, in a screenplay.
Is it or isn't it okay to do the simultaneous dialog? (I only have it I think in 2 or 3 spots in my screenplay in another spot it seems to fit the need, where two romantic interests are talking back and forth and then each finish a sentence simultaneously with the same phrase, showing a mental click and potential romantic compatibility).

Usenet · Accepted Answer

This seems to be a subtle and important scene - it looks to me (amateur opinion) to be a complex family situation, in a good way. Once upon a time, dialog was quite separate and back-n-forth - then it became more naturalistic and overlapping. People talk over each other. And I may be missing the point, but a distracted child talking to her toy while the parents talk is pretty compelling.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I have a couple of scenes with dialog where the main character is speaking to another character, and her little ... forth and then each finish a sentence simultaneously with the same phrase, showing a mental click and potential romantic compatibility).[/nq]
I tried simultaneous dialogue once, even figured out how to format it in Scriptware (which wasn't all that easy).
I looked at thought it looked neat for awhile then got rid of it because it pulled you out of the story when you read the script.

Does what Jenny is saying have anything to do with what the adults are saying? Do they play off each other? Or is she just talking to her stuffed pet?
Is the focus of the scene on what the adults are saying or what Jenny is saying or both?
If the point is that she's talking to her stuffed pet and not necessarily what she's saying to it then I don't think I'd give her dialogue. Jenny talks to her... (let's call it a Teddy Bear).

But that depends on the focus and what's supposed to be carrying the load in your scene.
If the image of Jenny talking to her Teddy Bear while the adults talk is the point, then don't clutter it up.
My opinion. (But I'm a phone tech.)

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I have a couple of scenes with dialog where the main character is speaking to another character, and her little ... forth and then each finish a sentence simultaneously with the same phrase, showing a mental click and potential romantic compatibility).[/nq]
For my money, I'd intro Jenny talking to her toy with a couple of lines:
Jenny, on the floor at Sarah's feet, talks to Mr. Bear

JENNY
And then we had a tea
party, and Mrs. Bear was
all verklempt...
THE DOCTOR
(to SARAH)
The size of the tumor makes
me think that surgery is our
best option.
SARAH
But surgery seems like such
a drastic measure...
...like that. Mom n' the doc can chat away, with occassional interruptions in the flow from Jenny - just a snip here and there of what she and Mr. Bear are talking about. Technically, when produced, you'd have to write the whole monologue for Jenny but unless she's delivering vital information, just give the reader a taste.

As for the finishing each other's sentences thing, my personal preference is to do it old school:
SARAH
So I said, let's all
get hammered and
go-
TOM & SARAH
(in unison)
~~bobsledding~~
TOM
-yeah, I know, and I'll
bet Jenny spent the
whole time talking-
SARAH & TOM
(in unison)
~~to Mr. Bear~~
SARAH
-like she always does...
Like that. It's a little clunky, which means I wouldn't do it a lot, but then again that kind of scene is a little clunk and I wouldn't do it a lot regardless of format.
One man's opinion.

Life Continues, Depsite
Evidence to the Contrary
Steven

Usenet · Answer

...
[nq:1]As for the finishing each other's sentences thing, my personal preference is to do it old school: SARAH So I said, let's all get hammered and go- TOM & SARAH (in unison) ~~bobsledding~~...[/nq]
Thank you. I like that method. I did not know you could have two characters listed for a dialog, like "TOM and SARAH (in unison)". That seems better than the side by side method.

Usenet · Answer

On Jul 26, 7:31 am, randall o wrote about adlib..
If Jenny's dialog isn't important (doesn't reveal character and move the story forward), I'd
leave it out. Why is she even in the scene? Let's assume the writer is trying to show what
the adults understand vs. what Jenny understands. I'd do it thus:

Bob and Martha stand close together. Behind them, Jenny plays with her stuffed penguin, listening to it and WHISPERING back to it.
Bob
We don't know what sense she's
made of her abduction.
Martha
She doesn't seem to be any more
afraid of strangers than she was before!
Jenny
We'll sneak into Mr. Bear's
cave and stuff him in the closet
after everyone's asleep!
Bob and Martha look concerned.
In that scene, I only called out the significant dialog, but I also avoided using the stagey world ad lib. If Jenny's behavior or dialog isn't important to the scene, ditch her. Kids are expensive

If you wanted to make clear that Bob and Martha didn't hear Jenny's dialog, I'm not sure how I would do it. I'm in the habit of writing in master shots, so i'd probably just add a line of description:

Jenny whispers too quietly for Bob and Martha to hear.

but others might do an ANGLE ON Jenny. I'm not really sure which is more in vogue at the moment.
Mysti

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]On Jul 26, 7:31 am, randall o wrote about adlib.... If Jenny's dialog isn't important (doesn't reveal character and ... others might do an ANGLE ON Jenny. I'm not really sure which is more in vogue at the moment. Mysti[/nq]
I've always hated the use of "ad lib" in a script. Because the script is about what your characters are saying and doing. Characters don't ad lib. Actors do. Which means suddenly you're not writing about characters, you're writing about actors.

Usenet · Answer

...
[nq:1]If Jenny's dialog isn't important (doesn't reveal character and move the story forward), I'd leave it out. Why is she even in the scene? ...[/nq]
Jenny's dialog is somewhat important, it brings out her character, and her love of her stuffed pet which relates to the opening hook. Jenny is critical to this particular scene because it is an ER visit for an almost fatal asthma attack that Jenny had at a swim meet. Exacerbated by urban pollutants. The ER doc explains, after reviewing Jenny's patient chart history, that the asthma will only get worse, being induced by urban pollutants, unless there is some way that Sarah can move out of the city to a more rural environment (thus the hero's 'new opportunity' to go to a new location, that propels this family into a new adventure, and in a few pages the real story begins).

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Jenny's dialog is somewhat important, it brings out her character, and her love of her stuffed pet which relates to ... a new location, that propels this family into a new adventure, and in a few pages the real story begins).[/nq]
Well, right away something is odd here. Jenny is old enough to be in a swim meet, but she is still talking to her teddy bear? I don't know that much about asthma, but if she had it seriously enough would she even be in swim meets? (Maybe there are swim meets for very young kids, I don't know.)

Have you considered bypassing this whole intro and starting with the day of the move into the new rural home? You could still have Jenny talking to her bear even explaining to it that it would be easier for it to breathe now that they are in the fresh air. That way the story is already in motion, instead of ramping up.

RonB
"There's a story there...somewhere"

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Have you considered bypassing this whole intro and starting with the day of the move into the new rural home? ... now that they are in the fresh air. That way the story is already in motion, instead of ramping up.[/nq]
And, BTW, the one feature script that I've finished had a young orphan girl talking to her teddy bear. I hope it's not too cliche'.

RonB
"There's a story there...somewhere"

Dialog formatting question

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions