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Jack Churchill Posted 13 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Descriptive Writing
Is this OK for the first half of a descriptive writing piece? (GCSE level)
A Lively Street Market
It was midday. The Spanish sun had risen to its highest point in the sky, beating down with the kind of intensity and constant heat usually reserved for saunas.
Almost every square inch of the street below was filled with stalls selling everything from exotic fruits to supposedly designer sunglasses and clothes. The number of these stalls was matched only by the unwavering enthusiasm of their owners, each seeming to be wearing half of their stock. Both in their own language and in broken English, they shouted to passers-by, battling with the overwhelming combination of Latin music, car horns and street bands to get their points across. “Madam! You want new necklace? I will do special price, just for you!” shouted a particularly keen trader as he saw a wealthy-looking tourist glance his way. Before even considering the offer, the slightly overdressed woman shook her head and gestured to indicate that she wasn't interested, a motion she had performed several times already along her journey through the market.
Just a few metres away, a young boy let out a slightly mischievous giggle as he revealed to his mother the six baseball caps he had ‘acquired’ from various stalls. Looks of shock, amusement, and then embarrassment filled her face in succession before she bundled the boy back down the street to return the hats.
Any tips or corrections would be much appreciated.
A Lively Street Market
It was midday. The Spanish sun had risen to its highest point in the sky, beating down with the kind of intensity and constant heat usually reserved for saunas.
Almost every square inch of the street below was filled with stalls selling everything from exotic fruits to supposedly designer sunglasses and clothes. The number of these stalls was matched only by the unwavering enthusiasm of their owners, each seeming to be wearing half of their stock. Both in their own language and in broken English, they shouted to passers-by, battling with the overwhelming combination of Latin music, car horns and street bands to get their points across. “Madam! You want new necklace? I will do special price, just for you!” shouted a particularly keen trader as he saw a wealthy-looking tourist glance his way. Before even considering the offer, the slightly overdressed woman shook her head and gestured to indicate that she wasn't interested, a motion she had performed several times already along her journey through the market.
Just a few metres away, a young boy let out a slightly mischievous giggle as he revealed to his mother the six baseball caps he had ‘acquired’ from various stalls. Looks of shock, amusement, and then embarrassment filled her face in succession before she bundled the boy back down the street to return the hats.
Any tips or corrections would be much appreciated.
Top answer
For effective writing and good style, revise by eliminating unnecessary verbiage: A Lively Street Market It was midday. The Spanish sun had risen to its highest point in the sky , beating down with the kind of intensity and constant heat usually reserved for of a sauna. Almost every square inch of the street below was filled with stalls selling everything from exotic fruits to supposedly designer sunglasses and clothes and their enthusiastic owners, each seeming to be wearing half of their own stock.
- For effective writing and good style, revise by eliminating unnecessary verbiage: A Lively Street Market It was midday.
- The Spanish sun had risen to its highest point in the sky , beating down with the kind of intensity and constant heat usually reserved for of a sauna.
- Almost every square inch of the street below was filled with stalls selling everything from exotic fruits to supposedly designer sunglasses and clothes and their enthusiastic owners, each seeming to be wearing half of their own stock.
- Both in their own language and in broken English, they shouted to passersby , battling with the overwhelming combination of Latin music, car horns and street bands to get their points across .
- “Madam!
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1 Answers
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For effective writing and good style, revise by eliminating unnecessary verbiage:
A Lively Street Market
It was midday. The Spanish sun had risen to its highest point in the sky, beating down with the kind of intensity and constant heat usually reserved for of a sauna.
Almost every square inch of
A Lively Street Market
It was midday. The Spanish sun had risen to its highest point
0
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