Definition essay: power and the most powerful person

Hi,

I am waiting for your comments on my definition essay.

My audience: 9-12 years old children. (Did I accomodate the audience, and succesfully address them?) Because English is not my native language, it was hard for me to choose the
correct words for children (child language), and addressing them.

Are there passages where you get lost? Any serious grammatical mistakes? Any suggestion for improvement?

My mistakes from my previous essays; my problem is simply that until the very end my focus is unclear. I couldn't focus my essay around my thesis, by stressing relevant passages... Please eveluate my paper about this.

Thanks while looking forward to hearing from you,
hadeka


THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE OF THE WORLD

Who are the most powerful people of the world? My fellows from my play group gave me many different answers. What are your answers?

Do you think the most powerful persons of the world are: moms and dads? The President? Strong peoples with huge muscles, hefty athletes, or muscular boxers? Kings, princes, and princesses which are richly dressed in ornamented clothing, and have servants? Businessmen that have a lot of money? Friendly teachers with their endless knowledge and smiling faces?

I tried to guess your answers. Because, those are also my fellows answers. Most of us have an idea of power that is connected with control or strength, and certainly money. My fellows also think power is in adulthood, in addition to money and strength. But I don’t think the power in money, or strenght or adulthood.

If power is in strenght, think of that: To most of us, a lion is a powerful animal that in most of the stories plays a role of king of the jungle. But, lions stay away from and fear elephants. Maybe it's because elephants are around thirteen times heavier and goodness known how much stronger than male lions! So, who do you think the most powerful animals of the jungle? Elephants? But, Elephants stay away from and fear spitting cobras. Altough spitting cobra cannot harm the elephant anyway. Because their poison is in their spit, but elephants’ skin is very thick; so this poison cannot affect elephants. Elephants fear spitting cobras because cobras don’t fear elephants. They are brave and fearless. Elephants don’t have any authority over cobras. So, elephants fear them. Power is not in strnght, but is in bravery.

Power in not money. Money is temporary; you can make it and lose it. If power is related with money, when we lost our money, we must be lost our power. But if we can make money once, we can make it again. If we have self-assurance, intelligence, and ability to perform effectively, we have the power for making money again.

Power is ability of having great influence or control over others. And, it is in bravery, frankness, honesty, and having big dreams. If you have big dreams, and believe in yourself; you can do everything you dreamed of.

I have a different opponion about the most powerful people. Now, it is your turn! Guess my answer? Ok, I will help you;)

Moms and dads are struggling for provide you a excellent future. They support, protect, and care for you. When you are ill, they spent sleepless night just beside of you. To most people, approaching the President is nearly impossible. But they show interest to you, especially youngers; they don’t say anything even tear their hairs. Every time, they develop projects for providing you a good education. Teachers use their knowledge for helping you on your life plan. Bussinessmen use their money for building new schools. All of them treat you more tolerant, even the laws. All people around you, your family, relatives, teachers, politicians, struggle for providing you a peaceful, wealthy and excellent life. I bet you guessed my answer.

The most powerfull peoples are children. They have the power of convince. Children have great influence and control over adults, and world because of their bravery, frankness, and honesty. With this power, you can change a difficult situation into an opportunity to do something good, and be admired for it. Please aware of your power, and opportunities that it provides you, and make use of it in the way of being a virtuous person for yourself, your family, your country, and the world!