Debating whether this sentence needs editing
I have come across this sentence while proofing and am not sure whether or how to correct it.
We'll take the time to understand your requirements through a series of consultations resulting in a presentation of bespoke membership options for you to choose from.
I'm not sure if "a series of consultations resulting..." is fine as it is without a comma as a reduced relative clause (a reduced version of "consultations that will result...") or if the sentence will flow better with a comma. I've been considering changing it to one of the following two options, but I'm not sure if there's really much difference.
We'll take the time to understand your requirements through a series of consultations, resulting in a presentation of bespoke membership options for you to choose from.
We'll take the time to understand your requirements through a series of consultations, which will result in a presentation of bespoke membership options for you to choose from.
Are there any changes in meaning between the three sentences, and which do you prefer?
Top answer
I think "result" is the problem. It makes it sound like it happens by itself. A flood is the result of snowmelt.
- I think "result" is the problem.
- It makes it sound like it happens by itself.
- A flood is the result of snowmelt.
- Besides, the sentence says that a series results in something, and "bespoke" obviates the need for "result".
- They tried to cram too much into one sentence.
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I think "result" is the problem. It makes it sound like it happens by itself. A flood is the result of snowmelt. Besides, the sentence says that a series results in something, and "bespoke" obviates the need for "result". They tried to cram too much into one sentence. The sentence begins with a positive action by "we", and it should continue that way:
We'll take the time to understand
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