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Cbsteh Posted 17 years ago
Grammar

Death in family

Hi,

Can you check the following sentence for grammar and punctuation:

"Two years ago, he had lost his wifeand his daughter, her mother-because of cancer."

This is pat of my fiction writing, and the characters are unnamed. What I'm trying to write above is that the man's wife and his daughter's mother had died of cancer two years ago.

I appreciate any help. Thanks.

Chris
  

Top answer

" where there is two hyphens, one before "and his daughter" and another after "her mother".

— Cbsteh

  • " where there is two hyphens, one before "and his daughter" and another after "her mother".
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5 Answers
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There' appears a problem with the formatting, so the sentence should read as:

"Two years ago, he had lost his wife - and his daughter, her mother - because of cancer."

where there is two hyphens, one before "and his daughter" and another after "her mother".
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I presume that they are the same woman, but it seems redundant.

Two years ago, he lost his wife, his daughter's mother, from cancer.
.
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What do you mean by "his wife and his daughter's mother"?

I think his wife and his daughter's mother is one person. Do you think so?

So the sentence may be "Two years ago, he lost his wife. She died of cancer."

Hope I can help. [F]
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I guess you want to stress his daughter's loss as well as his own. Mr M's is a good suggestion for this.

But if it's just a way of telling the reader that he has a duaghter, it's rather clumsy.
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nona the britI guess you want to stress his daughter's loss as well as his own. Mr M's is a good suggestion for this.

But if it's just a way of telling the reader that he has a duaghter, it's rather clumsy.
Yes, I was trying to highlight the father's and the daughter's loss, and the person they lost is the same person. I know it's rather clumsy but I
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