Dear teachers, please help me to check my ielts writing. thank you very much

some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. they believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. do you agree or disagree?

anwer:

it is true that some people believe that students should do some voluntary work in their spare time. while i agree that this might benefit both youngsters and community, i consider that unpaid work should not be obliged to young people

on the one hand, there is a variety of reasons why teenagers should do some unpaid work in their spare time. this might help both young people and community. firstly, students can gain some new experiences such as learning new skills or being a part of a team. secondly,having some voluntary work experience is a very useful addition to their resume when they apply for a job or a university later in life, which is most employers expect these days. finally, volunteers can help some work community done which have not done because of lacking of money

on the other hand, i believe that such unpaid work should not be compulsory. the first reason is that teenagers have already busy with their homework and revision which have to be done as a priority. studying at school leaves them a very little free time to enjoy being young. they need some time to relax, to take up a sport, to make a new friend or develop new skills or interest. if one of young people's interests is doing unpaid work, it should be encouraged because of the benefits that have been express above

in conclusion, it is certainly true that teenagers should do unpaid work in their free time to bring about the benefits both for themselves and community, it is by no means that it should be forced to all youngsters.