Dear teacher, please correct my motivation letter.

Question

Dear Sir/Madam,I would like to express my interest in the PhD position on "fast Bayesian sampling methods for applications in physics" in the Faculty of Electrical Engineering, Mathematics and Computer Science, at AB University.I am particularly eager to apply for a PhD in Bayesian sampling methods for applications in physics because doing research in this field is very suitable for my academic background. While studying for my BA in mathematics at the +++ University in [country], I took courses in probability and statistics and became familiar with the concepts of probability. Thereafter, I was admitted to the +++ University, [sity] branch for my MSc, and I chose to do it in Applied Mathematics- Numerical Analysis. My master's thesis, under the supervision of Dr. Rab, was on "Using mathematical techniques for solving Fokker-Planck equations" which gave me a deeper knowledge of probability theory and aroused my interest in it. Furthermore, I have always been interested in interdisciplinary activities and researching solutions to real-world problems and Solving problems  in physics by using mathematical algorithms appeals to me.To add the real share of knowledge in probability theory, and Bayesian statistics, and to add something to what I have already experienced in this field, I now wish to advance my academic career with PhD in fast Bayesian statistics, and I cannot imagine a better place to study in this field than the AB University, With your department specializing brings together three disciplines - electrical engineering, mathematics and computer science. this is the ideal place to pursue a PhD.I am confident that I can complete the research project, because I have already studied for four months and gained experience in this field, and in my master's project related to probability theory and stochastic processes, I gained a thorough understanding of it. I  recognise the importance of studying this field. I believe that these skills and experience will allow me to effectively complete a larger-scale project such as a PhD.After completing the PhD, I intend to pursue a postdoc in Bayesian statistics. With a lifelong interest in probability theory, I am keen to continue my education in this area and to perform my own research in order to help extend the knowledge in this field.Thank you so much for considering my application.Yours faithfully,Mari Mi??. ???

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

I would like to express my interest in the PhD position on "fast Bayesian sampling methods for applications in physics" in the Faculty of Electrical Engineering, Mathematics and Computer Science, at AB University.

I am particularly eager to apply for a PhD (The first sentence indicates that this is a job. It is not a degree program. In this sentence, you are applying to study as a candidate for a PhD. It is confusing. ) in ~~Bayesian sampling methods for applications in physics~~ (Do not repeat this again. Use a pronoun.) because doing research in this field is very suitable for my academic background. (That is not very compelling. ) While studying for my BA in mathematics at the +++ University in [country], I took courses in probability and statistics and became familiar with the concepts of probability. (It means that you learned a little about it, not much.) Thereafter, I was admitted to the +++ University, [sity] branch for my MSc, and I chose to do it in Applied Mathematics- Numerical Analysis. My master's thesis, under the supervision of Dr. Rab, was on "Using mathematical techniques for solving Fokker-Planck equations" which gave me a deeper knowledge of probability theory and aroused my interest in it. Furthermore, I have always been interested in interdisciplinary activities and researching solutions to real-world problems and Solving (solving is not a proper adjective.) problems in physics by using mathematical algorithms appeals to me.

To add the real share of knowledge in probability theory, and Bayesian statistics, and to add something to what I have already experienced in this field, I now wish to advance my academic career with a PhD in fast Bayesian statistics, (Are you sure this is the name of a discipline?) and I cannot imagine a better place to study ~~in this field~~ than the AB University, (wrong punctuation) With your department specializing brings together (ungrammatical - poor English) three disciplines - electrical engineering, mathematics and computer science. this (wrong punctuation) is the ideal place to pursue a PhD. (Again, a position is a job with a salary. Can you be clearer on exactly what you are applying for?)

I am confident that I can complete the research project, (Are you the only one who will be working on this project? ) because I have already studied for four months and gained experience in this field, and in my master's project related to probability theory and stochastic processes, I gained a thorough understanding of it. (This is the third time you repeat this, without giving much evidence of your depth of knowledge. Just claiming something does not convince the reader.) I recognise the importance of studying this field. I believe that these skills and experience will allow me to effectively complete a larger-scale project such as a PhD.
After completing the PhD, I intend to pursue a postdoc in Bayesian statistics. With a lifelong interest in probability theory, I am keen to continue my education in this area and to perform my own research in order to help extend the knowledge in this field.
Thank you so much for considering my application.

Yours faithfully,

Mari Mi

Dear teacher, please correct my motivation letter.

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