Dear Julielai..Please help me correct these paragraphs.
0 I need you helping me over this, my grammar is my main problems. Thanks in advance 02br 02br 02br 00I went to Circuit City, one of the electronic shops in the area, for a new portable PSP product from SONY which have just released this several months. I pretended to be a customer who wants to buy one of this hottest PSP, which combined of movie, music, and game in one single portable machine. One of the friendliest staff walked to me and asked if I want any helps. He introduced himself using a premium approach. 02br 02br 00As far as the conversation started, he using product approach by described directly features of the product, its advantages, and benefits as a unique, portable, and user friendly PSP machine on the market. After presented his product, he asked several questions related to my daily life in using a portable music, games, and as well as video player. He used direct questions to find out information from me and converted to benefits that match with the features of the product. 02br 02br 00This salesperson started approaching me with his through benefits, advantages, and its uniqueness. The way he described is well organized and interested. He asked me whether I want to buy three difference product of game consoles, video and music player separately while PSP from SONY gave me all of these features in one single product. He compared advantages of this product with other products which save customers a lot of money, easy to carry out, and user-friendly. I told him about my concerns whether it is the right product for me or not due to the higher price and it a new product on the market. He smiled and responded very effectively by provided a year guaranty and customer service benefits which released all of my concerns. 02br 02br 00In addition, I said that I’ve got to think it over this time while he understand and gave a good respond to my condition. He noticed that I am interested in this product. He also gave some benefit of buying at this time as a sales discount for ten to twenty percents off. When I change to make an order, he helped me over in completion payment, packaged, and gave a receipt and provided necessary information for the future if I am not satisfied with the product. 02br 02br 00This salesperson used an effective communication skill, a good listener, a verbal and non-verbal presentation, used body language, good eyes contact, physical appearance in a good condition and enthusiasm for product and his company. 02br 02br 00In conclusion, this salesperson is outstanding. Strong communication skill and verbal approach were his strength. He’s very friendly and outgoing, the way he response and talk are effective in approaching customers, well understand what customers need and want over the product, and what customer concern and their objective. However, I noticed that he ineffective in closing the order while customer need time to think it over. He should approach or use difference strategies that may work well to continue approaching customers rather than to lose them. However, I am interested and confident to rate him 4 out of 5. I believed that the more this kind of salesperson, the more sales it could be. 0-
Top answer
0 I went to Circuit City, one of the electronic shops in the area, for a new portable PSP product from SONY which *have (agreement) just *been released. I *was a mystery shopper who *wants (tense) to buy one of *this hottest PSP, which *could play movieS, music, and video games in one single portable machine. One of the friendliest staff walked *to me and asked if I *want any *helps.
— Julielai
0 I went to Circuit City, one of the electronic shops in the area, for a new portable PSP product from SONY which *have (agreement) just *been released.
I *was a mystery shopper who *wants (tense) to buy one of *this hottest PSP, which *could play movieS, music, and video games in one single portable machine.
One of the friendliest staff walked *to me and asked if I *want any *helps.
).
) (article) product approach by *described (-ing) *directly (use an adj) features of the product.
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0 I went to Circuit City, one of the electronic shops in the area, for a new portable PSP product from SONY which *have (agreement) just *been released. I *was a mystery shopper who *wants (tense) to buy one of *this hottest PSP, which *could play movieS, music, and video games in one single portable machine. One of the friendliest staff walked *to me and asked if I *want any *helps. He introduc