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Gabmoe Posted 14 years ago
Deaf to Iambic Pentameter
I have to write a sonnet for my honors English class, and I am literally deaf to the meter. I've written four different ones that turned out terrible, and this is the first one I wrote with a dictionary next to me to check each word's phonetic spelling. Does this poem follow iambic pentameter?
I ran, I skipped, I jumped, I sang, I played
I danced, and then I laughed as bubbles blow'd
I never ceased fun during those my days
of summer joy and childhood aglow.
Ev'ry the day a new journey to find
Fant'sy around ev'ry thing I did stitch
A stick- a wand. Some dirt- fairy dust lined
The old woman across the street- a witch.
But quietly this state of mind does fade
The stick is now a stick, the dirt-the dirt
The old woman is named Miss. Monavave
as reason takes fant'sy to grave in hurt
But as for me, vow I never to change
And dream of dreams, no matter how the strange.
Pointing out which lines don't follow the meter would be really helpful. Thank you!!
I ran, I skipped, I jumped, I sang, I played
I danced, and then I laughed as bubbles blow'd
I never ceased fun during those my days
of summer joy and childhood aglow.
Ev'ry the day a new journey to find
Fant'sy around ev'ry thing I did stitch
A stick- a wand. Some dirt- fairy dust lined
The old woman across the street- a witch.
But quietly this state of mind does fade
The stick is now a stick, the dirt-the dirt
The old woman is named Miss. Monavave
as reason takes fant'sy to grave in hurt
But as for me, vow I never to change
And dream of dreams, no matter how the strange.
Pointing out which lines don't follow the meter would be really helpful. Thank you!!
Top answer
Hello, gabmoe—and welcome to English Forums These lines lack good metrics: I never ceased fun during those my days of summer joy and childhood aglow. Ev'ry the day a new journey to find Fant'sy around ev'ry thing I did stitch A stick- a wand. Some dirt- fairy dust lined The old woman across the street- a witch.
- Hello, gabmoe—and welcome to English Forums These lines lack good metrics: I never ceased fun during those my days of summer joy and childhood aglow.
- Ev'ry the day a new journey to find Fant'sy around ev'ry thing I did stitch A stick- a wand.
- Some dirt- fairy dust lined The old woman across the street- a witch.
- -- This one is iamb 5-meter, but you have gone too far to achieve it So those lines all need work.
- Also, 'blow'd' in L2 is too incorrect to keep.
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4 Answers
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Hello, gabmoe—and welcome to English Forums
These lines lack good metrics:
I never ceased fun during those my days
of summer joy and childhood aglow.
Ev'ry the day a new journey to find
Fant'sy around ev'ry thing I did stitch
A stick- a wand. Some dirt- fairy dust lined
The old woman across the street- a witch.
as reason takes fant'sy
These lines lack good metrics:
I never ceased fun during those my days
of summer joy and childhood aglow.
Ev'ry the day a new journey to find
Fant'sy around ev'ry thing I did stitch
A stick- a wand. Some dirt- fairy dust lined
The old woman across the street- a witch.
as reason takes fant'sy
00
Thank you so much for your response!! Is this better?
I ran, I skipped, I sang, I twirled, I played
I danced, and laughed as bubbles blew around
I played from dawn to dusk, those were the days
Of endless summers, jumping up and down
The morning always opened up the gates
to new and strange ideas around my feet
A stick became a wand, dirt- fairy bait
The scar
I ran, I skipped, I sang, I twirled, I played
I danced, and laughed as bubbles blew around
I played from dawn to dusk, those were the days
Of endless summers, jumping up and down
The morning always opened up the gates
to new and strange ideas around my feet
A stick became a wand, dirt- fairy bait
The scar
00
Is this better?-- MUCH, much better! I fixed just one line and the punctuation (you need to punctuate poetry just as you do sentences):
I ran, I skipped, I sang, I twirled, I played,
I danced, and laughed as bubbles blew around.
I played from dawn to dusk. Those were the days
Of endless summers, jumping up and down.
The mornings
I ran, I skipped, I sang, I twirled, I played,
I danced, and laughed as bubbles blew around.
I played from dawn to dusk. Those were the days
Of endless summers, jumping up and down.
The mornings
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