Cv + letter of motivation review pls...?

First of all a huge HELLOOOO.. first time here and surprised by the existance of such fora...

I am about to send my cv and motivation letter to a university in italy-design course- (teaching in english hehehe...). I wonder if you could review 'em and suggest correction. The letter seems a bit vague am i correct? Be as strict as you wish...Well, here they are:

.........................................................CV.........................................................................


-Education

1997-2001> BA in Industrial Product Design from AKTO – Middlesex University
2000> Seminar classes in Fine Arts.
19994-1997> Seminar classes in Architectural design.

-Professional Experience

2003-2004> Member of the design team of “X Company” official licensee for the Olympic Products of Athens 2004 Olympic Games (pins)
2001-2002> Part time employment as junior designer in “SDesign”

-Languages

Greek (mother lamguage)
English (Certificate in Advanced English by Cambridge University)

-Computer Skills

Blah/blah/blah…

-Competitions/Awards

2004> Participation in the meeting “Design Management” organized by…..
2004> Honor in the “blah contest” organized by …..
2004> Participation in “aaa contest” organized by……
2002> Participation in workshop organized by Goethe Institut and siemens AG

-Interests/Activities

> Constant update on Industrial Design issues through printed material, internet and exhibitions in Greece and abroad.
>Continual interest and attendance of various forms of art such as sculpture, contemporary dance, architecture, digital media via exhibitions, live performances and internet.
>Incessant exploration and development of new expressive media.

-Other Activities

2002-2003> 14 month Military service as Corporal in the Force of Engineers.



end


q1: is honor the correct word? Shall i use honourable mention?
q2: shall i exclude the military service stuff? i think it is good to remain as i can demonstrate leadership capabilities....






................................................motivation letter........................................................




Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Master’s Degree program in Product Design at X University.

I graduated in Industrial Product Design in July 2001 from X College. In addition I also had classes in Architectural design and Fine Arts as seminar courses.

During the last year (from August of 2003 to September of 2004) I had been member of the “X Company” design team for the design of the authentic pins of ATHENS 2004 Olympic Games. While working there, I had the unique opportunity to collaborate with professionals of various specialties (such as designers, marketing/sales managers and production engineers) as long as different nationalities. Beside the obvious experience I gained through this employment, I was also motivated and prompted by supervisors and colleagues to continue my education in this particular field.

Although I could remain in this position with good prospective, I decided to resign in order to focus in my future studies. Not only do I want to gain a solid background in design field but also enrich my experiences and broaden my cultural and professional eventually horizons by studying in Italy and particularly at your University. Epicurus has said that the biggest fruit of self sufficiency is freedom and for me both goods are only attained through knowledge.


Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.



Sincerely yours,



end


q1:shall i exclude the" I was also motivated and prompted by supervisors and colleagues to continue my education in this particular field." ? does it look like i am forced to do it?


Thank you in advance for your time!

Alexandros