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Rory Borialis Posted 10 years ago
Critique this - as harsh as you like!
..
Winter
.
The beech stirs to the northern breeze
which makes her carcass creek right to the core,
and breaks the last leaf, which softly kisses
branches as it slips to join
the swirling, rustling dance below.
.
Autumn has had her day.
The vanity of a thousand glorious tints
is strewn now on muddy waste;
awaiting sharper winds
to scatter them to their final rest.
.
Then to be coated, each one soon,
with hoary frost; glistening red
in the dying sun;
and, in the stillness of a starry night,
the callous chill will crack each
sinew dry by dawn;
when through the freezing mist,
by racing fox or pounding hoof,
be trampled to oblivion.
.
Winter
.
The beech stirs to the northern breeze
which makes her carcass creek right to the core,
and breaks the last leaf, which softly kisses
branches as it slips to join
the swirling, rustling dance below.
.
Autumn has had her day.
The vanity of a thousand glorious tints
is strewn now on muddy waste;
awaiting sharper winds
to scatter them to their final rest.
.
Then to be coated, each one soon,
with hoary frost; glistening red
in the dying sun;
and, in the stillness of a starry night,
the callous chill will crack each
sinew dry by dawn;
when through the freezing mist,
by racing fox or pounding hoof,
be trampled to oblivion.
.
Top answer
Hello, Rory Borialis—and welcome to English Forums. Thank you for registering as a member. Rory Borialis Critique this - as harsh as you like!
- Hello, Rory Borialis—and welcome to English Forums.
- Thank you for registering as a member.
- Rory Borialis Critique this - as harsh as you like!
- I think you mean 'creak'.
- You have done an excellent job with the sounds of the words.
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3 Answers
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Hello, Rory Borialis—and welcome to English Forums. Thank you for registering as a member.
I like y
Rory BorialisCritique this - as harsh as you like!I think you mean 'creak'. You have done an excellent job with the sounds of the words. Offhand, I would delete 'each one soon', but the rest flows very nicely, succinctly but full of texture and colour.
I like y
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Hi Mister Micawber
I seem to up the creak with my spelling! Ha!
A big thanks for your poem. I absolutely love it. I have sent it to friends for their analysis. I want to see whether they have the same take on it as me. I love all the references to monks throughout the poem. I will get back to you when I get their replies.
Cheers!
Rory
I seem to up the creak with my spelling! Ha!
A big thanks for your poem. I absolutely love it. I have sent it to friends for their analysis. I want to see whether they have the same take on it as me. I love all the references to monks throughout the poem. I will get back to you when I get their replies.
Cheers!
Rory
00
Hi again Mister Micawber
Here is a reply re your poem from my sister:
Very vivid imagery.
You can just see the little gangs of them, care-free, unburdened by any purpose, like children unexpectedly released from school.
Or perhaps, you were thinking in a darker vein like refugees fleeing from danger yet not knowing where to go, driven here and there, knowing they must just ke
Here is a reply re your poem from my sister:
Very vivid imagery.
You can just see the little gangs of them, care-free, unburdened by any purpose, like children unexpectedly released from school.
Or perhaps, you were thinking in a darker vein like refugees fleeing from danger yet not knowing where to go, driven here and there, knowing they must just ke
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