"Crime prevention" essay

Hi everyone, I would like to ask for your kind help to review my writing as belowed (IELTS writing task 2 format).

Thank you for your time.

"Crime is a big problem in the world. Many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent to you agree or disagree? Give your opinions."

Answer

It is true that crime creates a lot of chaos and damages all over the world. While some people believe that it is impossible to do any prevention against illegal acts, I completely disagree with this opinion.

Firstly, I believe that realistic vocational education would be one of the feasible solutions to prevent crime as this helps young people and adolescents stay focused on career development, and strengthen their intellectual abilities and self-esteem. Besides, after those training services, it is advisable that the government provide practical and direct assistance to enable the graduates to find relevant jobs. Once civilians are able to live on their own with high enough salary to meet their basic needs, they are less likely to commit a crime. For example, for many years, a vocational college near my house has been providing free-of-charge occupational training for adolescents in poor families and helping them seek employment after completing their training courses.

Another remedy to prevent potential criminals is to foster linkages between the police and communities. Those connections contribute to tightening up community security as well as precautionary measures against such crimes as robberies, burglaries, homicides and drug deals, etc. Also, these law-enforcing staff should focus on young people who have dropped out of school and those who have released back into society after serving their sentences. This is to make sure they would live as law-abiding citizens. For instance, my friend’s brother, who has just come back home after his seven-year sentence, has recently been supported by the police in charge of his residential area to well reintegrate into the community and embark on a new career.

In conclusion, in order to minimize the risks of ravages that might be caused by crimes, I firmly believe that proactive preventive measures should be carried out in society.