Crime Among Youngsters

This is my second essay written without using a rote-learning technique.I am curious if it is grammatical and idiomatic. In my previous essay, the majority of mistakes were of punctuation, like comma splice. I have tried my best to get rid of that. Could you please point out the grammatical errors and grade this out of 10?

Crime is an illegal act and a menace,which has been persisting in the society since mankind put its feet on Earth. If we say that crime originates due to the lack of parenting or parents not doing their duties properly, then this argument will have some weightage. Parents have the responsibility to teach their children about what's legitimate and what's not. In growing age, a person is more susceptible to indulge in an illegal activity. According to a research on 'Crime Among Youngsters', 70% of people who involves in a crime are (is it necessary to use those before whose?) whose parents either (what should be used, whether or either?) dies in their childhood or are less responsible about their duties. The proportion of 70% is in fact enormous. Moreover, what about the remaining 30% of young individuals? There is a logical answer to this question. Beside ignorant parents, the government also plays a vital role in establishing a crime-free society. Prostitution and pornography are open sewers for vice and crime. These devastating acts have ruined the young generation. Government should take necessary steps to get rid of these illegal acts. Shirking these responsibilities will result in crimes like rape and abusing of women. In general, only parents should not be blamed for these illegal acts, because the government shares an equal part in deteriorating the young generation.