Creepy College Essay

Can anyone proofread my college essay? It has an interesting topic and I think you'd like it. Just give me some feed back PLEASE

I circled question number twenty of my geometry homework as Charlie Fink sang, “You can't break my broken heart.” With my earphones tucked in and the world blurred out, I sighed. My favorite song had just ended. I rested my pencil in between the spaces of the keyboard, took off my glasses, and rubbed my eyes with sides of my palms.
“Wake up! It's a beautiful morning!” shouted an exhilarating voice. I slightly jumped out of my seat. Has Pandora actually blessed me with an uplifting song? I wondered what song could suddenly wake me. I picked my head up to a bright computer screen. It held the title, Let's Go Surfing (Movie Soundtrack). I would love to surf right now, I thought.
To the left of the song title were two teenagers dressed in hospital gowns. The movie title, It's Kind of A Funny Story, floated over their heads. I wrote those six words on my left palm.
That night, I had to watch that movie. It focused on Craig, a suicidal teenage boy who is placed in an adult psychiatric hospital. Oddly, I felt an intimate connection with Craig's insecurities. (? I don't like that sentence. It sounds vague and jumpy, but I want to show how I liked the movie and Craig in one brief sentence.) During one of Craig's talks with his psychiatrist, she advises him, “There is a prayer that you should take heed to: God grant me the serenity...”
Hearing those five words made my heart pound, chills crawl up my bony spine, and the tiny hairs on my arms rise because earlier that morning my horoscope read, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Aquarius, this is a prayer you should focus on.” I began to feel elated, creeped out, and inspired all at the same time. I had witnessed a phenomenon.
I printed out a copy of the Serenity Prayer and hung it next to my bathroom mirror. As I brushed my teeth each morning, I recited the prayer in the hope that serenity, courage, and wisdom would guide me.
One year later, I had received yet another below average quiz score in my A.P. United States History class. I was crushed. While brushing my teeth the next morning, the Serenity Prayer reminded me, “You have the courage to change the things you can.” My grade, I thought. That and many afternoons following, I spent hours in the computer lab working on my term paper and studying. On days I wanted to give up, the prayer advised me, “You have the serenity to continue.” Indeed, I did continue. (because to connect these sentences?) When my teacher handed the term paper back to me, he said, “I’m proud of you. Your score was the highest one.”
Every two weeks, my mother receives severe chemotherapy treatments for breast cancer. There were nights that I sat in my room helpless as my mother lay in bed recovering. One night while reading the prayer, I realized, “This is something I have to accept, but my journey does not stop here. I can change something.” Every day, I tried to compliment her: “You look pretty banging, Mom.” Regularly, I asked her, “Do you need anything at all?” She usually responded by asking for some juice. (? present tense?) Surprisingly, these small acts of kindness improved her health.
When I observe my mother's doctor, I realize that, for good reason, he embodies serenity, courage, and wisdom. I believe I have a bit of these virtues within me, so becoming a medical oncologist is something I see for my future. (Should I add that I am becoming a medical oncologist for my mother's sake, or is that too cliché?) Courage will help me to never give up on a patient, and wisdom will help me to know the line.that I should not cross.
I have a feeling that the Serenity Prayer appeared in my life for a reason. I know the prayer will support me for the rest of my life. (? Switch to beginning?)
Who would have thought that listening to one song could change my philosophy for life?