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Gergely Kovacs Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Creative Writing Question
I have a two-sentence long segment which I cannot make into a comprehensive and stylistically acceptable piece. I know what I want to say, but it reads very awkward. Can a native speaker help me transform these sentences so they read naturally? The segment is the following:
"Among these students, I found a young, red-headed man rather peculiar. His name was Ryan, and he caught my attention on account of his appearance: he did not wear shoes!"
"Among these students, I found a young, red-headed man rather peculiar. His name was Ryan, and he caught my attention on account of his appearance: he did not wear shoes!"
Top answer
Among these students, I found a red-headed, rather peculiar, young man. His name was Ryan, and his appearance caught my attention: he was wearing no shoes!
- Among these students, I found a red-headed, rather peculiar, young man.
- His name was Ryan, and his appearance caught my attention: he was wearing no shoes!
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3 Answers
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Among these students, I found a red-headed, rather peculiar, young man. His name was Ryan, and his appearance caught my attention: he was wearing no shoes!
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Thank you! Would this also be okay:
"Among these students, I found a red-headed, young man rather peculiar. His name was Ryan, and he caught my attention because, much to my surprise, he was not wearing shoes!"
"Among these students, I found a red-headed, young man rather peculiar. His name was Ryan, and he caught my attention because, much to my surprise, he was not wearing shoes!"
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