Creating tension in a short story.

Question

Hi, I'm just new to this forum so we'll see how it goes.

I have been asked to write a short story about a youth who has some event happen in their life and they grow to improve themselves from that and have a sort of 'coming of age'/learn a life lesson. At the moment, I've written about a girl who has just been dumped by her 'perfect' boyfriend. He was actually abusive and made her too insecure to leave. He called her fat and disgusting, so Anorexia develops as she thinks that it will make him come back if she is thinner. I've got her walking down her dark street at 3am (she couldn't sleep from the nightmares) and she begins to have a flashback, recalling significant dates during their time together. She is so consumed by the flashback that she walks into an oncoming car. She is then rushed to hospital and from there, she realises that he was bad for her and makes the decision to undergo treatment for her eating disorder.

My English teacher told me that it is boring and I need to build tension. My question is, how? I'd have to be the most unimaginative person you could ever meet and don't have any ideas, whatsoever for tension.

Meganfay · Accepted Answer

Nevermind.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm figuring out how to build tension myself, but without seeing the story, it's hard to give specific advice. Take any story that "hooks" you and keeps you reading, and you'll see that on every page, there are at least a couple of reminders of what's coming, a mystery or a threat.

Instead of writing it as a flashback, try having it go from beginning to end. Here's what I mean.

Introduction--they're on a date. Conversation/argument, and he's a real jerk. She leaves in tears. Here's where you introduce a threat or something that's "off," within the first two paragraphs. This sparks the reader's curiosity. In a standard story plot, there's an "inciting incident," something that leads to the rest of the plot, and there's no turning back. (for example, in Harry Potter, he gets a letter revealing that he's a wizard.)

This creates a problem for which she has to find a solution.

The next bit of the story is the background. This is where you talk about their relationship, and slip in a couple of reminders of how bad it is. She becomes anorexic -- this is a danger to her, but what does she learn about herself? The next bit of story will be her battle with anorexia, and it's for him -- but is it really? Here's where the character arc happens. She has to make a decision (most good stories have a decision of some kind, that usually leads to the next plot point, or a reveal). And then there's usually another reminder of the threat, or a BIG reveal. Maybe she goes to him and tries to get him back. Here's where she finds out what a jerk he is, even though she's known it all along--maybe she walks in on him with another girl.

The big reveal usually leads to either a fight or a flight. Since you say she gets hit by a car, I'd say it's a "flight" response. This leads to the climax or any other twists you want to throw at the reader, and then the resolution and outcome. In this case, she goes to the hospital, figures out he's not worth it, figures out why she thinks she needs him, and her future will be better.

Creating tension in a short story.

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