CPEWRITINGS - ARTICLE PUPILSCHOOL

Question

In hindsight, had I learned more about citizenship, religious and environmental education, I would probably be more prepared for life and society.

When I was a young kid, I used to learn about these subjects in a very superficial and methodical way. Actually, in a world without computers and mobile phones, such matters might be a little bit boring in comparison with the latest developments presented to pupils today.

Take citizenship for instance whose meaning has been extremely important in the world we live in. Had I known that such a topic was so vital today, I would never be absent during the social studies class. Honestly, only after writing on the notebook did I remember that I had forgotten the content. Unfortunately I did not take the volunteering work so seriously, just because of the boring teachers that I had in that time and as a result I probably became an unvalued citizen.

On the other hand, the religion always was surrounded every young pupil during the school years. Such was the force of the topic that it was taught in class at least once a day, even in house. Despite the discipline required to assimilate the content, I had to admit to my colleagues nowadays that the content taught in class was not so well managed, due to the diversity of beliefs and religions that have been shown to people.

Finally, the environmental topics were introduced according the level of destruction that the planet was suffering. I was warned a thousand times that our planet could be destroyed in a very short term if we were negligent. Frankly, I thought, as did my teachers at school, that the deforestation would soon be over – 25 years ago.

All in all, never have I heard about a possible way of preserving our place and home in order to be eco-friendly and socially correct. In fact, I believe that the school has owed such attitudes to me.

Terryxpress · Accepted Answer

In hindsight, had I learned more about citizenship, religious and environmental education, I would probably be more prepared for life and society.

With hindsight, had I learned more about citizenship, religious eduction, and the environment, I would probably be more prepared for life and society.

When I was a young kid, : 'kid' is very colloquial speech. Don't use it in writing unless to a friend.

When I was a boy,
I used to learn about these subjects in a very superficial and methodical way.
methodical: done according to a systematic or established form of procedure.
Are you sure???

Actually, in a world without computers and mobile phones, such matters might be a little bit boring in comparison with the latest developments presented to pupils today.

After all, in a world without computers and mobile phones, such matters seemed rather boring.

in comparison with the latest developments presented to pupils today. This seems to be repeating, we had no computers as a novel way of learning. Are you trying to say, the teaching methods were boring compared to all the technology used to assist teaching today?

Terryxpress · Answer

Take citizenship for instance : 'take (***) for instance'. NEVER use this in a written exposition (explaining your ideas and reasons when you are arguing a point of view.) This is a form that might be used when two friends are discussing issues in a pub!

whose meaning has been extremely important in the world we live in. Had I known that such a topic was so vital today, I would never be absent during the social studies class.
Firstly, how this is expressed needs work. But more importantly...you are fast losing the sympathy of your readers. You say, 'if I had know it was going to be vital, I would have been more attentive'. Wasn't that the very reason it was a subject being taught,as opposed to Advanced Sand Castle Building? - schools thought this was vital to prepare you to take your part in how society advances. The thrust of your argument/thesis/stance on this matter is quickly disintegrating into, 'I was bored and didn't pay attention.' And you can't expect schools to have jazzed up lessons with technology that didn't exist at that time.

Alexandremelo · Answer

Dear Terry,
Good evening. I was trying to express in my writing that the the teaching methods were much different(sometimes boring) than the ones pupils learn today, due to educational advances at school (e-learning, graphical resources etc).
thank you very much for you help. I will do my best to get the best grade at cpe exam.
alexandre

Alexandremelo · Answer

I will try to rewrite this part Terry and then I´ll return. And what about the rest. Is it ok?
Thank you very much
Alexandre

Alexandremelo · Answer

hi terry
this is the theme of my article. sorry for not sending before
best
alexandre
What essential topics do you wish had been included in the school curriculum when you were a pupil

Alexandremelo · Answer

Good evening Terry. I rewrote the article. What do you think.
Best
Alexandre

With hindsight, had I learned more about entrepreneurship, religious education, and the environment, I would probably be more prepared for life and society. When I was a boy, I used to learn about these subjects in a very superficial way. After all, in a world without computers and mobile phones, such matters seemed rather boring.

In the recent past, the children were raised in environments which encouraged them to think, create and learn what interested them alone and even to seek solutions from unusual situations. The media was less aggressive, more informative and popular music was largely taught. As a result, children and young adults became more creative; more intuitive with ability to dream without being afraid to seek the fulfilment of a dream. Nowadays, there are so many technologies available, that even the act of thinking is (being/getting??) forgotten. Because of that, children and adolescents are being formed without developing potential for the construction of future achievement, leadership, creativity, perseverance, cooperation and sensitivity among many other feelings and aspirations that the entrepreneurial education seeks to rescue.

On the other hand, the religion always was surrounded every young pupil during the school years. Such was the force of the topic that it was taught in class at least once a day, even in house. Despite the discipline required to assimilate the content, I had to admit to my colleagues nowadays that it was not so well managed, due to the diversity of beliefs and religions that have been shown to people.

Finally, the environmental topics were introduced according the level of destruction that the planet was suffering. I was warned a thousand times that our planet could be destroyed in a very short term if we were negligent. Frankly, I thought, as did my teachers at school, that the deforestation would soon be over – 25 years ago. All in all, never have I heard about a possible way of preserving our place and home in order to be eco-friendly and socially correct. In fact, I believe that the school has owed such attitudes to me.

Terryxpress · Answer

With hindsight, had I learned more about entrepreneurship, religious education, and the environment, I would probably be more prepared for life and society. When I was a boy, I used to learn about these subjects in a very superficial way. After all, in a world without computers and mobile phones, such matters seemed rather boring.

GOOD

In the recent past, the children were raised in environments
In the first paragraph, you've opened by talking about yourself (and hence, your past, your time at school)
'in the recent past' - now, does that include the time you were at school, or is this 'recent past' subsequent to that, but 'recent' in terms of writing NOW? I, as the reader, am confused how to understand what comes next: were you encourage to ***, but ignored it because you were still bored, or after you finished school, was it then that children were encouraged to ***

Can you fix up that bit, and we can continue.

I guess I'm being a bit of a [6]

Alexandremelo · Answer

It includes the time I was at school. When I was young some subjects were not so interesting , but nowadays they have become more attractive because of the e-learning resources .
Thank you very much. How do you like this paragraph now?

In the past, the children were raised in environments which encouraged them to think, create and learn what interested them alone and even to seek solutions from unusual situations. The media was less aggressive, more informative and popular music was largely taught. As a result, children and young adults became more creative; more intuitive with ability to dream without being afraid to seek the fulfilment of a dream. Nowadays, there are so many technologies available, that even the act of thinking is (being/getting??) forgotten. Because of that, children and adolescents are being formed without developing potential for the construction of future achievement, leadership, creativity, perseverance, cooperation and sensitivity among many other feelings and aspirations that the entrepreneurial education seeks to rescue.

Terryxpress · Answer

Grammar exists to ensure that the meaning you wish to convey is done so clearly. What I am struggling with, is trying to understand your meaning.

You start by saying you were bored at school because it wasn't interesting, with no modern technologies to liven it up, and you fritted your time away instead of acquiring the 'skills' needed in a modern society.

In the next paragraph, you condemn these technologies, and elearning, because it no longer encourages "them to think, create and learn".

I can't fathom the argument - the thesis. At the moment, it just seems as if your thesis is: education was lousy back then, and still is!!

Alexandremelo · Answer

Good evening Mr Terry,
Thank you very much for your comments. I will review the first paragraph and fix the second .
Best
Alexandre

CPEWRITINGS - ARTICLE PUPILSCHOOL

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