Cover letter : my little contribution and your feedback

Question

English is my third language.I'm learning about how to put together the cover letter.I need help with my own cover letter (I need this to sound fluent and English) but first, I would like to share what I have learnt by myself (you are welcome to give some feedback on this too):1. The top part with the addresses1.1. The sender contact address goes in the top RIGHT corner.1.2. Then it goes the date on the left (although I have seen it in some other places)1.3. Finally the recipient contact details go on the LEFTSender block addressDateRecipient Block AddressDear Ms Cox,Body of the letterYours sincerely,My Name2. The Dear partNormally it is expected to have the details of the person one it is writing to such as the name, the surname and the title. This is the detailed form.I read that if you use the detailed form: "Dear Ms Cox" [coma], you must finish with "Yours sincerely," but if you use the "Dear Sir" [coma], then you use "Yours faithfully,".  3. The signature partThe signature goes to the LEFT (not in the middle).Here is my letter.I don't feel confident about the struture with repetitions (such as "on", "as"), the consistency and grammar (some of the points I am not sure about are underlined). Does it make you stop when you are reading it? Sounds weird? What do you think?Dear Ms McPain,I am applying for the position of Receptionist Administrative Assistant, as advertised on Site on Thursday 4 June.Currently, I am working as a Reception and Administrative Assistant in the PM House as a part of the training for the Certificate III in Business Administration. During my time there I have:-	developed a rapid understanding of the specific context and procedures;-	integrated the team successfully;-	dealt effectively with customers either face to face, by email or over the phone, respecting the general principle of privacy and confidentiality; - processed the membership data accurately and kept it up to date;-	achieved a professional level of work in a non-for-profit environment;These are some of the abilities I can offer as a team member of your organisation, along with my advanced skills in the Microsoft Office Suite, my reliability, maturity and my capacity to look at challenges as opportunities.I would like to meet with you and discuss my potential contribution to the position within YourPlace.Yours sincerely,My NameThank you very much for your time. Any correction/suggestion is welcome.

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,

I'm learning about how to put together the cover letter.

I need help with my own cover letter (I need this to sound fluent and English) but first, I would like to share what I have learnt by myself (you are welcome to give some feedback on this too):

1. The top part with the addresses

1.1. The sender contact address goes in the top RIGHT corner.

1.2. Then it goes the date on the left (although I have seen it in some other places) I put it on the right.

1.3. Finally the recipient contact details go on the LEFT Yes, including the name/title of the recipient

		Sender block address
Date
Recipient Block Address

Dear Ms ***,

Body of the letter

Yours sincerely,

My Name

2. The Dear part

Normally it is expected to have the details of the person one it is writing to such as the name, the surname and the title. This is the detailed form.

I read that if you use the detailed form: "Dear Ms ***" [coma], you must finish with "Yours sincerely," but if you use the "Dear Sir" [coma], then you use "Yours faithfully,". Today, I rarely see anyone use 'Yours faithfully'.

3. The signature part

The signature goes to the LEFT (not in the middle).

Here is my letter.

I don't feel confident about the struture with repetitions (such as "on", "as"), the consistency and grammar (some of the points I am not sure about are underlined). Does it make you stop when you are reading it? Sounds weird? What do you think?

Dear Ms McPain,

I am applying for the position of Receptionist / Administrative Assistant, as advertised on Site on Thursday 4 June.

Currently, I am working as a Receptionist (?) and Administrative Assistant in the PM House Is this the name of a business? We don't usually say 'the'. eg 'IBM' but not 'the IBM'

as a part of the training for the Certificate III in Business Administration. During my time there I have: Are you a regular employee or is this part of a program at some school you are attending? Make that clear.
- developed a rapid understanding of the specific context and procedures; <<< much too vague. context and procedures for what?
- integrated the team successfully; what team? How?

- dealt effectively with customers either face to face, by email or over the phone, respecting the general principle of privacy and confidentiality; Better. You need to focus on specifics like this point

- processed the membership data accurately and kept it up to date;
- achieved a professional level of work in a non-for-profit environment;

you don't need the semi-colons

These are some of the abilities I can offer as a team member of your organisation, along with my advanced skills in the Microsoft Office Suite, my reliability, my maturity and my capacity to look at challenges as opportunities.

I would like to meet with you and discuss my potential contribution to the position within YourPlace.

Yours sincerely,

My Name

Thank you very much for your time. Any correction/suggestion is welcome.

If you'd like to revise this and post it again, we can try to help you further.

In Canada, we normally write a resume, then send it with a letter like this. Such a letter is said to 'cover' the resume, in the sense that it says 'attached is my resume'. For that reason, I wouldn't call your letter a cover letter. Do people use resumes where you live?

Best wishes, Clive

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Clive!
Thank you for your time and feedback. I really appreciated you pointing out the vagueness and imprecision of my sentences. I know that it sounds very weird, but it is true. That was the kind of feedback I was looking for as long with the grammar/spelling part.

1. Concerning the position of the date: yes, it is something to discuss about, I guess (right or left, but definitely between the addresses blocks). I will try the right, then.

2. Concerning the function of my letter: it is a cover letter. I was thinking of making an unique document with two pages:
- page one: the cover letter,
- page two: the resume.
And send it by email. But you raise an interesting question, because, I never know, when it comes to electronic applications, if I should:

a. put the cover letter on the body of the email and just make a document of one page with my resume,
b. or have this two pages document (CL + resume) and a little text in the body of the email like:
"Dear Ms ***,
I wish to apply for the position of ***. I have been looking at your programs and counselling services, and they seem to cover a very comprehensive range of [specific] domains and very complex situations. Your offer appears very impressive and such strategies as the FVP and the MBC are definitely inspiring.
You will find my complete application enclosed [attached?].
Best regards,
[OR]
I wish to apply for the position of ***. I like the way you advocates for the profession emphasizing the idea of the security and quality of the practice by setting a framework of standards that every specialist can refer to.
My qualifications and my previous experiences helped me to develop an excellent sense of accuracy, organisation and analytical skills, along with high computer literacy, that I definitely can bring to this position.
You will find my complete application enclosed [attached?].
Best regards,
My Name".
Since I was opting for the two pages document, I was thinking that it was almost an explicit insult to the reader's ability (and intelligence) to reach out the second page of the application, by saying that there was a resume with the letter. But I understand the idea that I need to arouse some interest to look further and reach the second page.
What is the better way to do this electronic applications: a or b (or an expected c) option?

3. My letter: I simplify because the advertiser is more interested in customer service, data management, attention to detail (accuracy?), proactive approach and MS Office.

Dear Ms McPain,
I am applying for the position of Receptionist / Administrative Assistant, as advertised on Site on Thursday 4 June.
As you can see in my resume, I hold a position as a Receptionist and Administrative Assistant in PM House where I have:
- dealt effectively with customers either face to face, by email or over the phone, respecting the general principle of privacy and confidentiality
- processed the membership data accurately and kept it up to date
- achieved a professional level of work in a non-for-profit environment

These are some of the abilities I can offer as a team member of your organisation, along with my advanced skills in the Microsoft Office Suite, my reliability, my maturity and my capacity to look at challenges as opportunities.
I would like to meet with you and discuss my potential contribution to the position within YourPlace.

Yours sincerely,

My Name

Is it any better? Clear and consistent?

From Down Under,
yr

Clive · Answer

Hi,

1. Concerning the position of the date: yes, it is something to discuss about, I guess (right or left, but definitely between the addresses blocks). I will try the right, then.

2. Concerning the function of my letter: it is a cover letter. I was thinking of making an unique document with two pages:
- page one: the cover letter,
- page two: the resume.
And send it by email. Sounds ok to me.

But you raise an interesting question, because, I never know, when it comes to electronic applications, if I should:

a. put the cover letter on the body of the email and just make a document of one page with my resume, also sounds OK
b. or have this two pages document (CL + resume) and a little text in the body of the email like:
No, doesn't sound like a good idea

"Dear Ms ***,
I wish to apply for the position of ***. I have been looking at your programs and counselling services, and they seem to cover a very comprehensive range of [specific] domains and very complex situations. Your offer appears very impressive and such strategies as the FVP and the MBC are definitely inspiring.
You will find my complete application enclosed [attached?].
Best regards,
[OR]
I wish to apply for the position of ***. I like the way you advocates for the profession emphasizing the idea of the security and quality of the practice by setting a framework of standards that every specialist can refer to.
My qualifications and my previous experiences helped me to develop an excellent sense of accuracy, organisation and analytical skills, along with high computer literacy, that I definitely can bring to this position.
You will find my complete application enclosed [attached?].
Best regards,
My Name".
Since I was opting for the two pages document, I was thinking that it was almost an explicit insult to the reader's ability (and intelligence) to reach out the second page of the application, by saying that there was a resume with the letter. But I understand the idea that I need to arouse some interest to look further and reach the second page.
What is the better way to do this electronic applications: a or b (or an expected c) option?

3. My letter: I simplify because the advertiser is more interested in customer service, data management, attention to detail (accuracy?), proactive approach and MS Office.

Dear Ms McPain,
I am applying for the position of Receptionist / Administrative Assistant, as advertised on Site on Thursday 4 June.
As you can see in my resume, I hold a position as a Receptionist and Administrative Assistant in PM House where I have:

- dealt effectively with customers either face to face, by email or over the phone, respecting the general principle of privacy and confidentiality
- processed the membership data accurately and kept it up to date
- achieved a professional level of work in a non-for-profit environment

The above describes your past. Have you considered focusing on the future, and saying something like this?

Based on my past experience,

I can deal effectively . . .

I can process . . .

I can work at a professional level . .

etc.

These are some of the abilities I can offer as a team member of your organisation, along with my advanced skills in the Microsoft Office Suite, my reliability, my maturity and my capacity to look at challenges as opportunities.
I would like to meet with you and discuss my potential contribution to the position within YourPlace.

Yours sincerely,

My Name

Is it any better? Clear and consistent?

Clive

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Clive!

Thanks again!
Just a precision, please:

2. Concerning the function of my letter: it is a cover letter. I was thinking of making an unique document with two pages:
- page one: the cover letter,
- page two: the resume.
And send it by email. Sounds ok to me.

But you raise an interesting question, because, I never know, when it comes to electronic applications, if I should:

a. put the cover letter on the body of the email and just make a document of one page with my resume, also sounds OK
b. or have this two pages document (CL + resume) and a little text in the body of the email like:
No, doesn't sound like a good idea

Why the b option doesn't sound like a good idea when you said that the unique document with two pages (page one: the CL, page two: the resume) [see above] sounds ok to you?

Sorry if I wasn't that clear before, but it's the same thing in both cases: one unique document with two pages. Or maybe, I didn't understand what you didn't find a good idea:
- was it the two pages doc.
OR
- the content in the body of the email?

Many, many thanks

yr

Clive · Answer

Hi,

My understanding of option B is this.

You send a little email that says 'Please look at the attached document'.

The attached document consists of a cover letter and a resume.

That first little email sounds completely unnecessary to me.

If I were the recipient, I might even think 'too much clicking and opening and chasing around, just get to the point'.

I might even just not bother, and go on to the next applicant.

Ypu need to start selling yourself immediately, not just in an attachment.

And make things as easy as you can for the recipient.

Best wishes, Clive

Cover letter : my little contribution and your feedback

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