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Capentina85 Posted 13 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Cover letter
Someone could help me to find the mistakes in my cover letter?
Dear Sir or Madam,
I hereby apply for the admission to the Master in Diplomacy.
In 2004 I decided to enroll in the graduate program in International Relations at the University of Padua, choosing from a huge choice of training, because I thought it was the best way to reach my goal which was to enter the Italian diplomatic corps.
During the years of study I did some odd jobs as a barmaid and waitress to not weight too much on the family budget. This activity allowed me to get in touch with people very different from each other, enriching my character leading to an improvement in my ability to communicate.
My studies led me to spend some time abroad, where I have come into contact with people from every corner of the globe. During these months the desire to become a diplomat has been strengthened since this work would allow me to continue to relate with people of various cultures and religions.
My master's thesis, which covered the work of George Frost Kennan during his periods of Moscow, has allowed me to explore the theme of diplomacy, though conscious of the fact that since the time of the Long Telegram, the work of the diplomat, as the world in general, it is completely transformed.
Being able to attend the Master in Diplomacy would give me the opportunity to make better use of my energy during the preparation for the competition diplomat, because being followed and helped to improve will lead to a better result than a job on his own.
Thanking you for your attention concession, I hope to be a suitable candidate, aware that if I am selected a school year will be tough, but if it is aimed at achieving a goal so important fatigue does not scare me.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I hereby apply for the admission to the Master in Diplomacy.
In 2004 I decided to enroll in the graduate program in International Relations at the University of Padua, choosing from a huge choice of training, because I thought it was the best way to reach my goal which was to enter the Italian diplomatic corps.
During the years of study I did some odd jobs as a barmaid and waitress to not weight too much on the family budget. This activity allowed me to get in touch with people very different from each other, enriching my character leading to an improvement in my ability to communicate.
My studies led me to spend some time abroad, where I have come into contact with people from every corner of the globe. During these months the desire to become a diplomat has been strengthened since this work would allow me to continue to relate with people of various cultures and religions.
My master's thesis, which covered the work of George Frost Kennan during his periods of Moscow, has allowed me to explore the theme of diplomacy, though conscious of the fact that since the time of the Long Telegram, the work of the diplomat, as the world in general, it is completely transformed.
Being able to attend the Master in Diplomacy would give me the opportunity to make better use of my energy during the preparation for the competition diplomat, because being followed and helped to improve will lead to a better result than a job on his own.
Thanking you for your attention concession, I hope to be a suitable candidate, aware that if I am selected a school year will be tough, but if it is aimed at achieving a goal so important fatigue does not scare me.
Top answer
Hello, capentina—and welcome to English Forums. I have underlined some problem areas and struck out inappropriate verbiage . Dear Sir or Madam, I hereby apply for the admission to the Master in Diplomacy program .
- Hello, capentina—and welcome to English Forums.
- I have underlined some problem areas and struck out inappropriate verbiage .
- Dear Sir or Madam, I hereby apply for the admission to the Master in Diplomacy program .
- In 2004 I decided to enroll in the graduate program in International Relations at the University of Padua, choosing from a huge choice of training , because I thought it was the best way to reach my go al w hich was to enter the Italian diplomatic corps.
- During the years of study I did some odd jobs as a barmaid and waitress to not weight too much on the family budget.
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3 Answers
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Hello, capentina—and welcome to English Forums.
I have underlined some problem areas and struck out inappropriate verbiage.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I hereby apply forthe admission to the Master in Diplomacy program.
In 2004 I decided to enroll in the graduate program in International Relations at the University of Padua, choosing from a
I have underlined some problem areas and struck out inappropriate verbiage.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I hereby apply for
In 2004 I decided to enroll in the graduate program in International Relations at the University of Padua, choosing from a
00
Dear Sir or Madam,
I hereby apply for admission to the Master in Diplomacy program.
In 2004 I decided to enroll in the graduate program in International Relations at the University of Padua, choosing from a huge range of courses, because I thought it was the best way to reach my goal which was to enter the Italian diplomatic corps. During my years of study I did some part-time jobs such as
I hereby apply for admission to the Master in Diplomacy program.
In 2004 I decided to enroll in the graduate program in International Relations at the University of Padua, choosing from a huge range of courses, because I thought it was the best way to reach my goal which was to enter the Italian diplomatic corps. During my years of study I did some part-time jobs such as
00
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