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PreciousJones Posted 14 years ago
Grammar

Counselor

Hello,

I have been admitted to UCR as a transfer student and am thrilled to have the chance to join this wonderful institution. I am currently taking two classes at SMC, Speech 1 and Philosophy 1. I dropped Speech 1, because I realized that it's not part of the IGETC for UCs, but only CSU, and since I've been admitted to UCR, I don't want to risk the possibility of lowering my GPA, so I dropped the course with a 'W'. In addition, the maximum transfer units allowed for UCR is 70 units, so if I were to continue to take Speech 1 it wouldn't be credited towards graduation, another reason why I had decided to forgo the course. Last, but not least, my professor was a sweet person, but if you check on www.ratemyprofessor.com, you'll understand why I had to drop her course. I was simply not getting anything out of the class and it hadn't been a good experience. I've learned more at Toastmasters in two weeks time than 2 months of Ms. Kahn's Speech 1 at SMC. I am currently re-taking Philosophy 1 to make up the bad grade I got a few semesters ago and it will significantly pull up my GPA. I hope this doesn't affect my admittance to UCR. If I have to, I will take Speech 1 this summer and finish the course with a letter grade of C or higher. Thank you for your time and hope to hear from you soon!

Can someone please proofread this casual letter/email to counselor. Thank you very much!
  

Top answer

Hi, Seems to me far too casual and lacking in organization. If I received this, I'd be thinking all the time, while reading, "Why is he/she writing this?. " Clive

  • Hi, Seems to me far too casual and lacking in organization.
  • If I received this, I'd be thinking all the time, while reading, "Why is he/she writing this?.
  • " Clive
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3 Answers
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Hi,

Seems to me far too casual and lacking in organization.

If I received this, I'd be thinking all the time, while reading, "Why is he/she writing this?. What does he want from me?"

Clive
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This is very wordy for a 'casual' letter. It is also confusing. Try and be more concise with your expression. You also need to be careful of the way you word your criticism. You are basically saying that your 'sweet person' of a lecturer was incompetent. What is the purpose of this letter? Who is your audience? What are you aiming to achieve by sending it? The answer to these questions will give y
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CliveHi,Seems to me far too casual and lacking in organization.If I received this, I'd be thinking all the time, while reading, "Why is he/she writing this?. What does he want from me?"Clive
The reason why I'm writing this to the counselor is because there's a transfer agreement that states I have to get a 3.0 GPA or higher for Spring 2012 and I'm asking and g

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