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Rommel Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

Could you tell me whether or not these sentences on graffiti are grammatically OK?

Could you tell me whether or not these sentences on graffiti are grammatically OK?

Most graffitists are teenagers who seek freedom, a life with fewer limitations, students who cannot voice out their opinions freely. Young as they are, they have not developed a sense of responsibility yet.
  

Top answer

Most graffitists are teenagers who seek freedom, a life with fewer limitations, students who cannot voice their opinions freely. They have not yet developed a sense of responsibility.

— Mister Micawber

  • Most graffitists are teenagers who seek freedom, a life with fewer limitations, students who cannot voice their opinions freely.
  • They have not yet developed a sense of responsibility.
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4 Answers
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Most graffitists are teenagers who seek freedom, a life with fewer limitations, students who cannot voice their opinions freely. They have not yet developed a sense of responsibility.
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You are going to mislead your reader with your first comma-separated list. It sounds like there are three things -- teenagers, a life, and students. Since this makes no sense, "a life" must be something sought. But is there a distinction between seeking teenagers and voiceless students? Or are you talking about the same group?

When "as they are" appears as a trailing construct, your
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So deadrat, should I rewrite the sentence as follows to avoid confusion on the reader's part? What do you think?

Most graffitists are teenagers who seek freedom, a life with fewer limitations – students who cannot voice their opinions freely.
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