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Tenacious Learner Posted 14 years ago
Grammar

Could you proofread these 2 paragraphs please?

Hi teachers,
Could you proofread this paragraph please?

HANDBIKE BATEC:
There are two major products.

Picture

- 1 M-HANDBIKE. This is a handbike attachable to a wheelchair, propelled manually by the force of the arms. We have this product for bothr paraplegics and quadriplegics.

Picture

- 2 E-HANDBIKE. This is an electric handbike attachable to a wheelchair, propelled by an electric motor. We have this product for both paraplegics and quadriplegics.

Thanks in advance.
  

Top answer

Hi TS! For captions I think those sentences are passable if you at least correct the typo in "both" and insert a comma between "handbike" and "attachable". I think using both "manually" and "by the force of the arms" is redundant especially given that it's a hand bike, but maybe some people need this clarification?

— Shawn79

  • Hi TS!
  • For captions I think those sentences are passable if you at least correct the typo in "both" and insert a comma between "handbike" and "attachable".
  • I think using both "manually" and "by the force of the arms" is redundant especially given that it's a hand bike, but maybe some people need this clarification?
  • Here's how I prefer the sentences, while making as few changes as possible.
  • First, I reworded it so that there's no confusion whether it's the handbike or the wheelchair itself that is manually or electrically powered.
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2 Answers
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Hi TS! For captions I think those sentences are passable if you at least correct the typo in "both" and insert a comma between "handbike" and "attachable". I think using both "manually" and "by the force of the arms" is redundant especially given that it's a handbike, but maybe some people need this clarification?

Here's how I prefer the sentences, while making as few
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Hi Shawn,
WOW! Thank you so much for your correction. It is much more than well done.Emotion: clap

I really appreciate your effort.
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