Could you proofread my motivation letter for phd

Dear All,

I want to apply a Phd program. I made a draft of motivation letter, but I'm afraid there are some grammar and vocabulary mistakes in it. So could you help me proofread it and give me some suggestions to improve it?

Thanks, Y. Wang

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Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Yu Wang. I am currently working in Research Department in XXXX Group as a R&D Engineer. I am writing to apply your Ph.D. program.

Ph.D. for me is more than a degree title but an attitude towards the view of the world. I am impressed by a illustration showing the task for Ph.D. is to push the boundary of knowledge to shape human's future. That motivates me to pursue Ph.D. as I can have an opportunity to improve people's life.

In the future, computer science would lift people's life to a new level as the 'Marine Industry' did in the 'Age of Discovery', because it touches almost all the human activities in entertainment, business, and even politics. Meanwhile, computer science offers vast and rich opportunities for multidisciplinary researches as majority of science are impacted by it. That drives me to choose computer science as my research area.

In my previous years of study, I have proven myself as a highly motivated and hard working student. I graduated from XXXX University of Technology (China) with the average score in 86% which made me rank at the top 5% out of 500 students. Afterwards, I also maintained an outstanding performance in my master study in artificial intelligence at University of XXXXX (UK) where I got the merit grade with three courses in distinction: Machine Learning, Computer Animation and Advanced Vision.

Apart from test score, I have strong passion and ability to solve practice problem. Since my junior year, I participated in 'XXXX key program' to use C++ and OpenSceneGraph to model the lunar surface using data collected by lunar probe. This program deepened my understanding of programming knowledge and gave me the first experience of how to work in the lab.

Moreover, I can get myself quickly involved in a team and help them with my innovative thinking. During the robotics laboratory work, my partner quitted in the mid-term, I therefore joined a new team and then quickly became a capable teammate. While other teams were struggling with how to improve object-detected accuracy by enhancing their algorithm, I creatively designed an 'Auto-lifting Camera' structure to solve this problem. This experience not only enriched my knowledge in computer vision and robotics, but also taught me how to work in a team.

My master dissertation, supervised by XXXX, was a trial to provide a graphics tools for biological research. We wanted to build a system that mice can yield behaviour by the distribution of heat in their environment. In this project, mice is built by soft-body model, heat diffusion is simulated by solving heat equation in discrete method, and a 'Action-environment Mapping' was used to control mice action. From research review to project completion, I gained a lot of research skills such as literature review, paper management, critical thinking and analytical skill, which would be useful in my future Ph.D. study.

In July 2014, I started to work in research department in XXX Group. During this period, I applied my professional skills in the project of 'virtual studio' design, and I was very lucky to have the opportunity to see the SIGGRAPH Asia 2014. These experiences shaped my career aspiration of becoming a researcher. That is why I want to apply Ph.D. program in your university. Your program is particularly strong in my interesting area that makes me believe that after years' research in you group would stand me in good stead in research career. And I am very confident that my creative mind, sense of teamwork and well-prepared training in previous studies will help me perform well in your Ph.D. program.

Yours Sincerely,

Yu Wang