Could you please revise my SOP for PhD

As a citizen of the the country where have the second greatest natural energy resources in the world, I faced the issues of energy extraction, production and utilization saving, every day. Iran is located in semiarid region where energy management and control have the top priority. Living in north of Iran has intensified this fact more. This place is well known as critical paths for supplying a large part of European required energy. My path from home to school was near the huge Natural Gas pipelines. I knew that designing and maintaining these huge structures are in the hand of mechanical engineer. Their job was so interesting to me, because I knew the importance of their work for my country and my generation.
I took my first important exam for entrancing in high school at 2008. The good result of this exam beside of my high interest in mathematics, led me to enter in the best physic-mathematic high school in our town and I passed four years of that with the first rank. Exposing the fundamental of energy transfer in thermodynamics courses intensify my motivation to pursue my study as a mechanical engineer. At the undergraduate program, my interest in heat transfer fundamental increased with the passage of time. I did not remember any major courses like thermodynamic and heat transfer that I passed without full mark of 4/4 and the first rank of class. Due to being among 5% higher rank student, I qualified to attend the three stage national Olympiad (the national competition between mechanical talent student). I passed each stage successfully and in the final stage, I have nominated among the best mechanical engineering student from NOET (National Organization For Educational Testing).
At the first semester of my attendance in Tehran University as an MSc student, I joined the Vehicle, Fuel and Environment Research Institute (VFERI) under Prof. Esfahanian supervision, due to my highest interest in combining my analytical and numerical knowledge with experimental researches. VFERI sounded the best place for me due to its modern and well-equipped laboratory especially for heat transfer investigating which was my interesting field of study. The major task was experimental investigation of heat transfer in combustion chamber of SI engine with Natural Gas fuel (as a topic for my MSc thesis). But, usually in our university, the task of preparing the set-up for testing should be handled with student. Therefore, at first, we designed and established a single cylinder engine set-up with more than 200 sensors and actuators to measure and control the flow, temperature, pressure and relative humidity in various parts of engine including cylinder, cooling and lubrication system and fueling systems. Managing this amount of equipment needs a sophisticated knowledge about system engineering and making an appropriate connection between hardware and software. Therefore, I utilized the NI data acquisition cards and Labview software for controlling and indicating the engine characteristics. finally after this laborious process of our researches, with the aim of programing in Fortran 90, AVL Indicom (after processing and data analyzing software) and AVL Boost (combustion and heat transfer simulation software), I investigated the effect of most important engine operating parameters including compression ratio, air fuel ratio, ignition timing and fuel types on heat transfer of combustion chamber beside of using simulation methods. After that, I made a new correlation for predicting the combustion duration at various engine operating situation. I should mention that, after this, I participated in an industrial project with the task of developing the injection system of the first national two stroke light engine under professor Esfahanian advising which has continued up to now.
I attended Center of Excellence in Design and Optimization of Energy Systems at Tehran University under Prof. Akhavan supervision in 2013. The task was about estimating the boiling and condensing heat transfer phenomena in flattened tubes with Nano fluids. The nature of both of my research was similar: investigating the heat transfer phenomena but in different structures. My previous experience in VFERI laboratory helped me a lot to prepare the new set-up swiftly and neatly. After designing our experiment, we calculated the heat transfer coefficients in different geometries, fluid types, vapor qualities, mass flow rates and pressures using measuring systems and EES software for post processing. Finally we present two important and new correlations for both of condensing and boiling fluid flow by considering various parameters which have been reported at three well-known journal papers.