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Anonymous Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Could you please review the following?
Hi,
Would you please review the following?
"Breast cancer, based on available evidence, is one of the major causes of death and disability among women worldwide. Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women in the Eastern Mediterranean Region and in Iran. In addition, at least 35% of the causes of cancer are related to dietary pattern and of 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5% and alcohol consumption includes 3%. Food factors can be the cause of the disease in subsequent generations through nutrigenomics mechanisms, which explains 15% of the etiology of the disease, all of which are somehow related to dietary pattern and includes a total of 58% of factors. A very important point is that, based on credible evidence, the disease has a high potential for prevention."
Thank you!
Would you please review the following?
"Breast cancer, based on available evidence, is one of the major causes of death and disability among women worldwide. Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women in the Eastern Mediterranean Region and in Iran. In addition, at least 35% of the causes of cancer are related to dietary pattern and of 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5% and alcohol consumption includes 3%. Food factors can be the cause of the disease in subsequent generations through nutrigenomics mechanisms, which explains 15% of the etiology of the disease, all of which are somehow related to dietary pattern and includes a total of 58% of factors. A very important point is that, based on credible evidence, the disease has a high potential for prevention."
Thank you!
Top answer
at least 35% of the causes of cancer are related to dietary pattern and of 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5% and alcohol consumption includes 3%. Food factors can be the cause of the disease in subsequent generations through nutrigenomics mechanisms, which explains 15% of the etiology of the disease, all of which are somehow related to dietary pattern and includes a total of 58% of factors.... I do not understand what each percentage figure applies to.
- at least 35% of the causes of cancer are related to dietary pattern and of 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5% and alcohol consumption includes 3%.
- Food factors can be the cause of the disease in subsequent generations through nutrigenomics mechanisms, which explains 15% of the etiology of the disease, all of which are somehow related to dietary pattern and includes a total of 58% of factors....
- I do not understand what each percentage figure applies to.
- You need to revise these sentences to make them much clearer.
- You may need to break them into more sentences.
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9 Answers
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Anonymous ...at least 35% of the causes of cancer are related to dietary pattern and of 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5% and alcohol consumption includes 3%. Food factors can be the cause of the disease in subsequent generations through nutrigenomics mechanisms, which explains 15% of the etiology of the disease, all of which are somehow related
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Thank you for your reply.
What about this one?
"...dietary pattern includes at least 35% of the causes of cancer; of 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5%, and alcohol consumption includes 3%. Dietary factors can be the cause of the disease in subsequent generations through nutrigenomics mechanisms, which explains 15% of the etiology of the disease. All these fac
What about this one?
"...dietary pattern includes at least 35% of the causes of cancer; of 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5%, and alcohol consumption includes 3%. Dietary factors can be the cause of the disease in subsequent generations through nutrigenomics mechanisms, which explains 15% of the etiology of the disease. All these fac
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Still not good. According to your numbers in your first sentence, only 78% of the cases are accounted for. And the15% and 58% in your second sentence seem to relate to no total whatsoever. Perhaps you should construct a table or chart instead.
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Ignoring the figures, is the overall text correct grammatically?
Thank you!
Thank you!
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gillyflowerIgnoring the figures, is the overall text correct grammatically?No; parts remain unintelligible.
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Breast cancer, based on available evidence, is one of the major causes of death and disability among women worldwide. Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women in the Eastern Mediterranean Region and in Iran. In addition, at least 35% of the causes of cancer are related to dietary pattern and of 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5% and alcohol consumption includes
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I changed the text. Please ignore the figures and give your comment.
... Besides, dietary pattern is related to at least 35% of cancer incidence, and from 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5% and drinking alcohol includes 3% of cancer risk. Dietary factors can be the cause of the disease in subsequent generations through nutrigenomics mechanisms, which explains 15%
... Besides, dietary pattern is related to at least 35% of cancer incidence, and from 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5% and drinking alcohol includes 3% of cancer risk. Dietary factors can be the cause of the disease in subsequent generations through nutrigenomics mechanisms, which explains 15%
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gillyflowerfrom 35% of the other factors, obesity and overweight include 5% and drinking alcohol includes 3% of cancer risk.I don't understand that part.
gillyflower All these factors are somehow linked to dietary pattern and form a total of 58% of factors."I don't understand this part. How can 'all these factors...form a
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