Could you please review my motivation letter for a student exchange program?

Hi, I'm in the process of applying for a student exchange program with Cambridge University and i was wondering of somebody would be kind enough to read through it and maybe give me some pointers. I've already read alot of comments and threads on this forum which i've tried incorperate them in my letter. I think the letter in its current form is to long. Whats your opinion?

Dear Sir/Madam:

I am applying for a student exchange with the University of Cambridge starting in October of 2012.

My career ambition is to become a public prosecutor with an excellent knowledge of not only the letter of the law but also the underlying justification of the law.

In high school I graduated with a physics and mathematics profile. Strait out of high school I did not have a clear idea about what I wanted to study. I studied “business engineering” for 2 years before finally finding a field of study that truly sparked my interests: Law. I am currently in my second year and maintaining a GPA of 3.43.

I like to challenge myself in every aspect of my life, try and find what I think are my limits and see if they really are my limits. For me that means not just studying hard but filling my life with a range of other activities that add to my personal development. It is my goal to excel in every aspect of my life.

One activity that aided my personal development in several ways was being on the national board of the “Nacht van de fooi” foundation. Together with a team of 8 people we organized a national event in 7 of the Netherlands biggest cities. In every city, small shows were given throughout the day and night to focus attention on various projects we were sponsoring in developing countries. During this day and night participating bars and restaurants donated their tips to these projects. With our team we managed to bring in a little over 61.000 euro’s.

As treasurer I was tasked with managing the finances of the 7 local boards. Under my financial leadership I implemented a uniform accounting system for all of the local boards. I developed an effective fund raising strategy for the entire organization which led to a year on year doubling of our operational budget. Being a person with a wide range of interests and skills I took on other, traditionally non-treasurer tasks, such as managing the implementation of a new internet site.

This 25 hour a week occupation has at times been a bit strenuous on my studies. At the same time however, it has been a very rewarding and valuable experience. By donating my time to this foundation I showed the general public that the small every day gift of a tip can be used to help a large number of people. Being a board member-student I developed strong time management skills, moreover I learned a lot about group dynamics, especially how my own enthusiasm can be a great motivation to others.

I am fortunate enough to have the exciting opportunity to attend weekly “Descartes Honours program” lectures. There are a total of 50 students selected yearly for this program from all faculties of the Utrecht University. During these colleges we receive guest speakers from a wide variety of academic fields and subsequently discuss a number of, often philosophical, questions. These vivid discussions with students from a wide range of academic backgrounds have given me a more open perspective on how to approach and solve problems and have allowed me to put my own studies of law in a broader scientific context.

I want to study at Cambridge University because of your outstanding educational system, drive for excellence and an expected high level of motivation. I believe the typically Cambridge idiom “work hard, play hard” suits my personality well. From speaking with students and professors from your and other universities I am confident of my decision. With many distinguished lecturers I will gain valuable and interesting comparative insights into the English common law system, a system very different from the Dutch civil law system. This will allow me to approach aspects of both systems with a more sceptical view. Especially the course “criminology, sentencing and the penal system” will, in my future career as a public prosecutor, help me better reflect on applied policies and practices.

Given my previous commitment to excellence, I am confident I will show a high level of energy during my stay. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of my strong work ethic, interpersonal skills and broad academic background as well as the experience gained as a “Nacht van de Fooi” foundation national board member.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely,