Could you please review my ielts writing task 2 essay

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encourage. Other believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, some people think that teaching children to cooperate is better than encouraging the sense of competition in them. While the cooperation could be useful in one way or another, I still believe that the competitiveness should be encouraged to make them become useful adults.

On one hand, there are various reasons to believe that cooperation is more important than competitiveness. First, people who are cooperative could cement a strong relationship with other and it helps them in completing the assigned tasks easily. Second, the cooperative people might master the vital soft skills, such as teamwork and communication, which are extremely important in workplace because it could minimize conflicts and clash of personalities. Finally, a social butterfly has more chances to find a suitable job for them due to the wide range of relationship they had built before.

On the other hand, I support the view that parents should encourage the competitiveness in their children. In the modern world where there is a lot of competition in finding jobs, people who have no career ambition can not progress quickly in their jobs. Furthermore, competitiveness is a great source of motivations, and therefore the uncompetitive workers usually have a low level of job performance. They also could be made redundant and lose their jobs. In some cases, these people are unable to further their career and they have to jump around other jobs. This is why I think schools should instill in children the sense of competition to help them become a successful person in the future.

In conclusion, while there is a belief that cooperativeness should be the main focus, I still support the view that competitiveness plays an essential role in most aspects.