Could you please review my ielts writing task 2 essay

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view.

People in the old generations have convictions about how their children should live and behave. However, people nowadays believe that these ideas are unsuitable and it would become an obstacle which curtails the development of the younger generations. I partly agree with this statement, but I believe that these ideas still have an essential role in our society.

On one hand, the old convictions actually have negative impact on the development of our society. For example, the old generations think that women should stay at home and do the housework, they are not allowed to go to school or have any chance to express their opinions. With regard to men, they all have opportunities to study because people believe that men are smarter and better than women in many aspects. However, the reality shows that all these beliefs are totally wrong. Women nowadays could become a scientist, a doctor or even running their own business. These beliefs about genders are now outdated and it therefore should be eliminated.

On the other hand, not all convictions and traditional beliefs are wrong, there are still some valuable one. For example, the ways that children should behave to their parents and to the elderly are important and these should be preserved. If the children do not know how to respect the older or being polite to other people, they will misbehave and get consequences for their wrong actions. Moreover, these codes of conduct might also help reduce the crime rate one way or another. Furthermore, the young people could learn some good characteristics from the old generations, such as hard-working and commitment, these two features are extremely vital in the modern world where there are a lot of competitions in finding jobs.

To conclude, I agree that the obsolete convictions should be eliminate but we should not consider all old ideas are useless. There are some valuable ideas and it still could be applied to modern world.