Could you please review my IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Question

My essay:The line graph gives information on the proportion of first-year lecturers of French and English recruited in Ontario from 2001 to 2007.In general, both languages saw a downward trend during the first year. Nevertheless, the ratio of French teachers rose while that of English teachers fell over the rest period.Getting in the details, the percentage of teachers recruited for French and English lectures started at 70% and 73%, respectively. Furthermore, they declined moderately with roughly the same difference of 3% until 2002. Both of them saw a fall of about 18%. Over the next 5 years, the figure rose gradually for French-language teachers but continued to fall steadily for English teachers. Since 2003, the trends have not changed as much until 2005. For the last two years, the proportion of French lecturers with jobs fluctuated slightly and reached 74% in 2007. In contrast, that of English ones dropped to 28%.I always spend a lot of time on writing tasks 1. There was a time that I had to finish it in 25 minutes. Maybe pressure makes motivation. But I think that essay was very bad. So I have no idea that I can finish an essay in just 20 minutes in a real exam. Anyways that’s very kind of you to help English-learner like me improve their writing skill. There are just several days to my country (Vietnam) traditional new year, So wish you and your beloved people have a wonderful time in the new year.Thanks for your help!

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please attach an image of what you are writing about. We cannot help you if we can't see the figure.

Please put the essay instructions with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

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Topic: Put the essay instructions here.

My essay:

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Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

UmaruKIn general, both languages saw a downward trend

If the languages decreased, were there fewer people speaking them?
Can languages actually see things? Do they have eyes? Please read my advice about vocabulary for Task 1.

UmaruKNevertheless, the ratio of French teachers rose

Are you using the word "ratio" correctly? Have you computed the ratios?

Ratio:

It is not described in my advice because few students use it in essays. A ratio is expressed by two numbers - a:b. It represents the relative numbers of two different items. Ratios have no units of measure, and they are usually computed to the least common denominator.

For example:

The ratio of teachers to students in private schools (1:8) is better than in public schools. (1:25). Private school students get much more personal attention, since each teacher has on average 8 students. In public schools, each teacher has 25 students.
The number of male engineering professors in universities is higher than females. For example, there are 100 professors in the engineering department of King's University. Ninety are male, and ten are female. That is a ratio of 9:1.
The ratio of the number of males and females in a society is called the gender ratio. At birth, more males than females are born; on a global average, the ratio is 105:100, but it can be as high as 109:100 in certain countries.

Ratio is also a common term in gearing systems.

The gear ratio on mountain bikes varies from 50:11 (for flat riding) to 34:32 (for climbing steep hills.)

UmaruK · Answer

I remember that I attached the image with the post but don't know why it doesn't appear

Could you please review my IELTS WRITING TASK 1

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