Could you please review my ielts essay task 2?

Topic: Today parents spend little free time with their children.

Why is this the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

Anwser:

It is true that modern parents spend far less time with their kids than they did in the past. This is largely down to parental work intensity that results in negative impact on children’s mental health.

As far as I am concerned, in today’s world individuals have to stay late at work because many jobs entail extra labour. Many aspects of jobs such as banking, accounting and sales require heavy workload, resulting in an increase in the working time. Furthermore, it is true that today parents are likely to spend their free time on their smartphone rather than with their kids. They want to keep pace with the times by surfing the web and reading online news. This discourages parents from dedicating attention to their children.

Looking at the drawbacks in perspective, lack of parental attention leads to severe emotional distress and behavioral problems. In the past, children developed their skills by telling stories and engaging in playful banter with their parents. By contrast, modern children spend their time clinging to the TV screen from time to time and playing on their own, giving rise to the feeling of alienation and the state of depression. This may result in severely deleterious behaviours such as illegal drug use. More seriously, this may badly shape those children's personalities and perceptions of life when they enter adulthood. They are prone to develop haphazardly that become more vulnerable in an increasingly demanding society.

In conclusion, children lacking parental care may lead to severely detrimental effect on them. Therefore, parents should allocate their time suitably to give best support to their kids in their journey to adulthood.