Could you please review ielts writing task 1 essay

Question

The pictures compare the layout of a school site as it was in 2004 with a proposed design for the year 2024.

Overall, the main changes will be made in terms of facilities and school amenities. Remarkably, there will be a new road running from west to east, and this road links the first car park with the second one in the north-east of the school site.

In detail, the school site located in the north of the map in the original design. There were a car park and the school entrance in the north-western corner of the map. In 2004, the number of students was 600, and the two school buildings were separated by a path running from the main entrance to the sports field. It is expected that the number of students in 2024 will almost double that of 2004, and the sports field will be replaced by a third school building. Furthermore, the plan is to join the two original school buildings by a skyway. It will shorten the path that links the building with each other. As the construction of the new school building and the second car park, the sports field will be moved to the south. A new road will also be built from the main entrance to the second car park.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The pictures compare the layout of a school site as it was in 2004 with a proposed design for the year 2024.

Overall, the main changes will be made in ~~terms of~~ the parking facilities and school buildings ~~amenities.~~ (Wrong usage. An amenity is a luxurious added expensive feature. Five-star hotels offer a lot of amenities, basic cheap student hostels have none.) ~~Remarkably~~, There will be a new road running from west to east, and this road links the first car park with the second one in the north-east of the school site.

In detail, the school site located in the northern section of the property ~~of the map~~ (The map has an arbitrary position. You need to use "the property". That is the land area that is owned by the school.) in the present situation. ~~original design~~. (You have no idea of the original design. Maybe that was in 1952 when there was only one building for 300 students.) There ~~were~~ are a (You need the present tense, since that is the current layout.) car park and the school entrance in the north-western corner ~~of the map~~. In 2004, the number of students was 600, (The number of students can change from year to year, but the facilities are not variable. It is best not to put these two items in the same sentence. Use past tense for the student count, and present tense for the layout.) and the two school buildings were separated by a path running from the main entrance to the sports field. It is expected that the number of students in 2024 will almost double that of 2004, and ~~the sports field will be replaced by~~ a third school building and a second car park will be constructed on the present-day sports field.. (You cannot replace land with a building. The building is erected on the land.) Furthermore, the plan is to join the two original school buildings by a ~~skyway~~. covered walkway or corridor. (You have no idea of the elevation - it is not depicted on the map.) It will shorten the path that links the building with each other. As Due to the construction of the new school building and the second car park, the sports field will be relocated ~~moved~~ to the south. A new road will also be built from the main entrance to the second car park.

Could you please review ielts writing task 1 essay

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