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Trâm Nguyễn Posted 9 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Could you please proofread my new essay related to vaccination?

In this day and age, thanks to numerous upgraded medical techniques, an enormous number of incurable diseases in the distant past have now been prevented. The issue of whether parents should get their kids immunized or not still remains to be a contentious one. Personally, I embrace my viewpoint that immunization against common childhood illnesses should be applied to almost every children.

There is a widely held belief that we have benefited from vaccines to a great extent. From medical perspective, getting vaccinated can effectively reduce the incidence of fatal diseases. Given children’s weak immune system, they are highly susceptible to loads of illnesses. Hepatitis, smallpox and tuberculosis, for instance, which gave rise to endless severe casualties, have today been given sufficient prevention and thorough treatment. If the youngsters are received qualitative vaccination soon, they will stand a good chance of avoiding many lifelong abnormalities. It is right and proper that parents assume the responsibility for inoculating their kids, isn’t it?

Nonetheless, many parents express their denial to have their offspring immunized owing to some quite implausible reasons as follows. First and foremost, some people have rudimentary comprehension related to beneficial aspects of immunizing. Nevertheless, such erroneous assumption as catching infectious diseases due to sharing the same hypodermic needle arouse parents’ anxiety. Also, financial obstacles including hospital fee, treatment cost, to name but a few, are not beyond the realms of possibility. We have to edify poorly knowledgeable parents that vaccination helps guard their kids against contagious ailments. Simultaneously, medical department should establish countless national immunization programs to remote regions as well as educational organizations in pedagogic institutions. The media is serving its fundamental role as a precautionary alternative with the aim of propagandizing the incoming sickness seasons to raise the public awareness about the magnitude of vaccination.

On balance, immunization is the contributing factor in protecting children from contracting prevalent diseases along with deadly ones. Hence, getting children applied to inoculation is a pivotal measurement to the progress of leading a decent lifestyle and a healthy society as a whole.

  

Top answer

e 1) If I were you I would start the essay with some kind of a generic statement ie. " This essay is focused on ... " 2) Be careful with commas because they are not as frequent in English as they are in the rest of the world.

  • e 1) If I were you I would start the essay with some kind of a generic statement ie.
  • " This essay is focused on ...
  • " 2) Be careful with commas because they are not as frequent in English as they are in the rest of the world.
  • To start with the first sentence you can say something like " Enormous amount of incurable diseases is now prevented thanks to medicine.
  • n It is right and proper that parents assume the responsibility for inoculating their kids, isn’t it?
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1 Answers
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It is really crucial for your academic writing to contain formal elements i.e

1) If I were you I would start the essay with some kind of a generic statement ie. "This essay is focused on ... and its impression on the reader with the reference to ...." or "The aim of this essay is to provide the reader information about..."

2) Be careful with commas because they are n

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