Could you please help with the grammar in sentences?

Question

Could you please help me correct these sentences I've tried expressing?

1 I won't be able to eat anything while I am pregnant/When I get pregnant.
2 It's been a long time since I saw a movie that I don't want to fastforward, where I don't look at how long's left of the movie every 10 minutes.
3 You're not there as much as she is there for you.
4 I can't wait for my wedding to come up/near.
5 I haven't known you without your tattoos/didn't know you without your tattoo/didn't know you when you didn't have tattoos.
6 If I had stayed with my boyfriend, in November we would have been together 3 years.

Thank you so much

Free_spirit · Accepted Answer

1 I won't be able to eat anything while I am pregnant/When I get pregnant.

The first option could make someone believe she is already pregnant. "when I get pregnant" gives the impression that she is not yet pregnant (but both sound a little strange, not eating during pregnacy would surely not be good for mother or baby).

2 It's been a long time since I saw a movie that I don't want to fastforward, where I don't look at how long's left of the movie every 10 minutes.

I would reword it more like:

It's been a long time since I saw a movie that I don't want to fastforward, or look, every 10 minutes, too see how much of the movie is left to run [or go].

That is still a little awkward though. I would really like to see a paragraph to get a feel for what you are writing. Correcting, or making suggestions on, occassional sentences makes it difficult for me to get a sense of what is going on. A larger context helps make things clear. Personally, I wouldn't contract 'long is' to 'long's' although it is probably acceptable, and probably how I would speak it.

3 You're not there as much as she is there for you.

It would be more simple to write: "She is there more for you than you are for her." or "You're there less for her then she is for you." What you have written is a little less clear, because you are saying "You are" and then negating it with "not there". It can be clearer to keep it all in a 'positive' frame with "You are there less".

4 I can't wait for my wedding to come up/near.

I would say, "I can't wait for my wedding day to arrive."

5 I haven't known you without your tattoos/didn't know you without your tattoo/didn't know you when you didn't have tattoos.

Each version carries a slightly different meaning. So this is a guess without the surrounding context:

"I didn't know you before you got your tattoos."

6 If I had stayed with my boyfriend, in November we would have been together 3 years.

I would probably add "then" before the "in November" or rewrite it:

If we'd stayed together, my boyfriend and I would have been together for 3 years in November.

Following on from above comments, I have several novels that were translated from Russian to English, assumedly by a Russian-speaking translator with English as a second language. The stories are great, and I enjoy them, however reading them is a major struggle as the language is so clumsy and awkward. It is essential to make sure the whole story "flows". Having correct grammar and 95% of the sentences well formed doesn't mean the entire story will flow. Don't be discouraged by my comments. I think it is wonderful that you are able to do your own translating! I have to rely on others to translate my English writings to other languages, and then I have no idea if they are correctly imparting the meaning of what I wrote!

Could you please help with the grammar in sentences?

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